Severus
by Molly Raesly
Summary: Seven canon chapters about how James and Lily happened and how Severus Snape happened around them.
1. Lily

**Severus**

**by Molly Raesly**

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**Chapter One**

**Lily**

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The young, sallow-faced boy turned his head away reluctantly, as though he did not want to ignore her but knew he should. He pulled his knees to his chest, and his already short pants rose to nearly mid-calf. They were frayed at the bottom and looked like they could do with a good washing.

She frowned when she saw him cross his arms over his chest. Though there were still so many things she did not know about the boy from Spinner's End, she knew what that scowl on his face meant.

Regrettably, his clothes looked even shabbier than the last time she had seen him; muddy trousers with holes in the already patched knees and a tired, teal shirt that still looked more like a blouse her mum would wear than a top an eleven-year-old boy would have, regardless of what appeared to be several attempts to modify it. Despite the stifling August heat, he was still wearing his usual, long overcoat. She could see his hair was matted with sweat. The back looked jagged and there was a chunk missing from the left side.

She guessed that he had attempted to cut it himself. Her mum had once cut Petunia's hair, but that had only been because Lily had accidentally gotten gum stuck in it.

In her new trainers – her old ones had worn out from overuse – and freshly laundered outfit, she felt a bit guilty. Then she remembered that she was still angry with the boy so she lifted her hand self-importantly and continued striding towards him.

Lily stopped calling his name and sat down beside him. She reached out and plucked a few twigs off of the bush behind him and fiddled with the waxy, green leaves as she waited for him to say something. Her foot tapped the ground impatiently. Determined not to look him in the eye until he acknowledged her presence, she kept her gaze trained on the lone, distant chimney in the skyline. She knew that she could quell his stubbornness with her own.

His mouth twitched uncertainly.

With each passing second of hesitation and self-conscious silence, she wondered why she had even come at all. The past week had been horrendous. Last Tuesday, Lily had had to help her sister, who had been crying hysterically, hobble back to their house from the park. Her mum had thrown a fit and demanded to know what they had been doing in the park. Had they been playing with _that boy_ again? Lily's mother always called him _that boy_.

Petunia, of course, had not helped the situation. Heaving from the fat tears falling down her face, Petunia had recounted the whole ordeal to their mum, who had promptly become extremely affronted and fretted the whole way to the doctor's office as she gave Lily a lecture on how she should have known better – seemingly forgetting that Lily was the younger of the two sisters. Then, her mother had explained the ordeal to her father at dinner; nothing was worse than the disappointment of a girl's father.

To be honest, Lily had been just as worried about Petunia as her mother had been. She, too, had wanted to slap _that boy_ across the face for hurting her sister. Yet, after she had cooled down and Petunia's shoulder had been cared for, Lily found that she inexplicably still wanted to sit with the strange boy who whispered secrets to her about the unimaginable, the unattainable. She was certain that he could not be all bad. Beneath the awful clothes and unfortunate haircut, perhaps he had the potential to be someone important to her.

"I don't know what you're doing here," that boy muttered finally, refusing to look directly at her and her green eyes. "I already told you I was sorry. I don't want to listen to you yell at me again."

"I wasn't going to yell." Of course, the last time she had seen him, that was all she had done.

"Then why did you even bother coming? Why aren't you at home with your sister?" The last word he spat like it was a foul curse word.

Her jaw flexed, and she brushed a piece of unruly hair out of her eyes. She did not need to be lectured by this boy who barely knew anything about her. Perhaps she had been wrong in thinking that he deserved to be given a second chance. "Fine. I'll go," she said coolly.

As soon as she braced her hands against the sidewalk to rise to her feet, the boy turned to face her. His face was repentant; his eyes were beseeching. He flapped his arms wildly, looking comically like a bat in his overlarge coat.

She almost smiled.

"Wait! Lily, I didn't mean it. Please…don't. I'm sorry."

Lily picked her twig back up to avoid looking at the sullen face and greasy hair of the boy. She decided to test his sincerity.

"Tuney's shoulder is okay."

"Oh, that's good. I mean, I'm glad she's all right." He seemed to be choosing his words carefully as not to upset her.

"Well, her shoulder is okay. I didn't say Tuney is. She's really angry with me."

It was true. Petunia had partly blamed Lily for what had happened. Lily hoped she could fix it, though. She had hidden a brand new box of crayons, tied up with purple string, under her bed and had plans to give it to Petunia later that day as a peace offering. Petunia was fantastic at coloring. Her pictures were always done so meticulously while Lily could never seem to stay exactly in the lines. Lily hoped that by giving Petunia something she was good at, Petunia would stop resenting Lily for her newfound abilities.

Lily wished everything could be simpler. She wished she had never seen that boy emerge out of the bushes, and he had never told her the truth about what she was. Was she still human? Was she still Lily?

Of course she was. She had been born this way. No one could be born against nature, could they? It would all have been easier to stomach if Petunia was a witch, too.

Meanwhile, the boy's face colored indignantly as his hands balled up into fists at his side. "But, Lily, you didn't do anything wrong! I was the one – "

"Who attacked her with a tree branch?" Lily finished for him crossly. She rose to her feet and towered over him with her hands placed defiantly on her narrow hips. His face fell in remorse, but she refused to let that affect her. "Well, isn't that what you did, Severus?"

"No!"

The girl scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I'm not dense."

Severus clambered to his feet and tried to adjust his coat to hide his clothes. "Of course you're not. Look, I said I was sorry. Sometimes magic is very hard to control for wizards our age. I shouldn't have let it get the best of me. I really am sorry. You can tell her."

Lily sighed and dropped her hands to her sides. "I would, but she's shut herself up in her room since Tuesday. She won't talk to me." She frowned as she remembered the sounds of slamming doors and harried ranting, the sight of tears in her older sister's eyes while the doctor examined her bruised right shoulder, and the threat from her mother that she should not see _that boy_ again if this was how he was going to treat his friends.

Severus raised his arm, and for a brief moment, Lily thought he might pat her on the shoulder or take her hand. While she contemplated what it would be like for a boy – even one who dressed so horribly and reacted so badly – to do that, he seemed to rethink his actions and stuffed his hand deep into the pocket of his coat. "So does that mean you're not talking to me?"

"No."

His head, which had sagged heavy with anxiety, appeared to buoy with the news. "So you are, then?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Look, Sev, I know you didn't mean it, but Tuney's my sister, okay? I need you to promise that you won't ever do anything bad or be mean to her again."

"But, Lily!" Severus exclaimed in bewilderment. "She's always the one who's mean to you. I don't understand why you put up with her."

"She's my sister."

"But == "

"Are you going to promise or not, Severus? Because if you don't, we can't be friends anymore."

"I promise."

Lily's commanding demeanor softened, and she smiled genially. The tips of Severus's mouth curled up in automatic response.

"Good," she remarked matter-of-factly, "because I was really hoping we could still be friends. You're the only other wizard I know."

Laughing a bit at her own frankness, Lily saw him nod stiffly. She rolled her eyes and asked herself again why he was always behaving so strangely. She walked between the chalk hopscotch court, the thin aluminum slide that always made a wondrous roaring sound when someone slid down it quickly enough, and reached the swingset.

Severus followed her.

Gracefully, she slid onto the swing and began propelling herself through the air. She ignored the way Severus stared at her and closed her eyes as she felt the rush of the air beneath her each time she swooped up and down.

"I love the swings," she declared as the wind played with the length of her long, auburn hair. "They're my favorite part of the playground." When they were younger, Lily and Petunia would go on the swings for hours. Petunia liked to swing close to the ground, but Lily loved to go as high as she could go. Then, when she couldn't go any higher, she would jump. Petunia hated that because she said it made her too nervous. Lily thought it was fun.

"I know."

Her nose crinkled in confusion. "How?"

"It just seems like you would," he stammered quickly as he looked away and fell into the swing beside hers. "I like the swings too," Severus added.

"I have this dream where I swing so high that I reach another world – a fantasy world where only the most amazing things happen. That's what I would wish for."

Severus watched the passion in her green eyes greedily. "You know, you don't have to wish. Hogwarts is going to be like that. Everything magical will happen for you and me, Lily."

"Really?"

He nodded vigorously. "Yeah, you just wait and see."

"What do you think it will be like? Magic? Do you think the professors will be mean? Do you think I'll fall behind and never catch up?" asked Lily, voicing fears that had been plaguing her mind with an ever-increasing frequency as the red lines crossing off days on her calendar inched closer to the box for September 1st.

Severus shrugged as his feet trudged along the dirt. "I'm sure you'll be fine."

Lily nodded and told him about the textbooks she had already read through. They were nothing like the standard, printed ones she had about arithmetic or science. Her new textbooks were practically medieval, but she read them eagerly. She wanted to be prepared for class and found every new facet of wizarding life intriguing from standard cauldron sizes to cauldron cakes. "And when I was flipping through this one book," she added as she proceeded to tell him about her findings, "I saw something about ghosts. Are ghosts actually real? Have you seen one before?"

"No."

"Oh."

"But I'm sure we will," Severus added with more enthusiasm when Lily's face fell.

She nodded. "Yes, I'm sure too." She paused and then remembered a detail from an earlier conversation. "What about your mum? Has she seen one?" Lily looked over to see that Severus had frozen on his swing. She cleared her throat, and he blanched.

"Oh, er, I dunno. I don't really talk about that with her."

Lily stopped swinging and allowed her trainers to drag against the warm grass. The sun was still beating down, and she had thoughts of walking home and sipping a long, refreshing glass of lemonade outside on her porch in the shade while waiting for her father to come home for work at the office. Sometimes, on warm evenings after dinner, he would sit out on the porch with her and sing her grandfather's old war songs and tell her his childhood stories; she liked the one about him stealing a bunch of pears from his neighbor's house the best.

But these indulgences only seemed possible in the summer, and soon, summer would be the only time left. It was so odd to think that from now on she would be away from her family for the vast majority of the year. What would happen during the rest of term? Who would sneak into Petunia's bed and sing "Happy Birthday" to her exactly at midnight? Who would dry the dishes after her mum washed them while Petunia swept the floor? Who would go fetch the morning paper for her father and then steal the comics before he got the chance to read them?

Suddenly, the summer air felt stifling.

"Aren't you warm?" she asked Severus, eyeing his long coat. "You must be boiling."

"I'm fine," he answered tersely.

"Are you sure? Wouldn't you want to take your coat off?"

"I said I was fine."

Lily sighed. "All right then. Hey, we're allowed to have holidays at Hogwarts, right? They still celebrate Christmas? We can go home?"

Severus paused momentarily at the question. "Yes. Why?"

Feigning indifference, Lily shrugged with a casual smile. "I just wanted to make sure that I could go home for Christmas. Tuney and I always decorate the tree together. Every year, Dad puts each of us on his shoulders, and we put the angel on top while Mum takes our picture. I'd just hate to miss it. Not that I can really think about winter in this heat. Goodness, it's warm today." She paused and fanned herself with her fingers before pressing the issue. "Don't you want to come home?"

"Not really."

Lily pivoted in her swing to look at Severus with sympathy. "Are your parents still fighting? You can tell me."

Severus looked at his shoes and then at her. "Don't worry about it, Lily."

"Well, I do." She felt pity for the boy, who seemed so lonely, so she added, "you're my friend. It's my job to worry about you."

Severus grinned. "So I guess I'll be seeing you a lot over the school year then."

"Please. You're going to be sick of me!" Lily replied with a laugh. "I'll probably be a huge pest and annoy you with all my silly questions. I won't have a clue what anything is." Lily did not notice the leer touch Severus's lips because she frantically sprang off her swing as she noticed the slight shadows beginning to form around the playground. "Bugger! What time is it?"

"A quarter to six."

"I promised Mum I'd be home fifteen minutes ago! She told me I had to clean my room before dinner because I've been letting it get really messy. I've been too busy trying to get Tuney's attention. I better go."

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll see you later then."

Lily tucked her hair behind her ear. She knew she had to leave, but she also wanted to continue to discuss her future life. "What are you doing Thursday? I can meet you here."

"Nothing. I'm not doing anything," he stammered quickly.

"Great!" Lily replied with a bright smile. "We can play then. I'll see if Tuney wants to come too."

Lily did not see the way Severus scowled at the latter part of her offer because she was scampering away from the playground and down the street. Her yellow trainers smacked against the pavement as she turned to wave goodbye. "Bye, Sev!"

Severus returned her wave. "Good bye, Lily."


	2. Severus

**Chapter Two**

**Severus**

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><p>Severus frowned as he read over the same sentence for the fourth time. In theory the practice made sense, but would it not be counterintuitive to gain weaker results? Why would a person use puffer-fish eyes in the swelling solution? Wouldn't the gull of a bull frog produce a stronger effect? Inferior ingredients created inferior potions. He grabbed his quill and scribbled a note in the margin of his book.<p>

Continuing to the next set of instructions, Severus leaned so closely over the text that his nose nearly skimmed the page. He scrutinized the passage and allowed it to devour his complete attention. He enjoyed moments like these immensely. Severus had a sophisticated appreciation for the delicate complexity of potion making.

"Sev?"

The boy jumped, and his nose really did hit the page. Grumbling disparaging things about himself under his breath, Severus looked up and felt even more foolish. His sallow cheeks burned with embarrassment as he eyed his intruder's auburn hair, green eyes, and Gryffindor tie. "Lily," he breathed. He knew he should have brushed back his hair – he had forgotten to take a shower that morning – or cover the large ink stain on his white uniform shirt, but he was momentarily distracted by her.

She smiled at him and helped herself to the chair opposite of him at the table, tucked away in the corner of the library where he was seated. Her familiar yellow schoolbag made a large thud as she plopped it down onto the table, disrupting his carefully laid out piles of notes. "Hello, Sev. What are you doing here? I've been looking for you for ages. I thought we were supposed to meet by the owlery after dinner."

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes – as if he would forget a meeting with her. Scrambling for something to do under the gaze that could read him so well, Severus pulled at the sleeves to his school robes; they were too short because he had grown from the year before but had not been able to afford new robes. He had asked his mother, who had seemed like she might have bought him a new pair – he had grown nearly three inches in the past few months alone – if his father had not intervened. Self-consciously, he shoved his wrists under the table. "I was just coming to meet you."

Lily frowned. "But dinner is almost over."

"What? No. I thought I had only arrived a little while ago. I haven't been here that long, have I?"

He looked around for a clock and saw Lily nodding out of his periphery.

"It's almost eight. Mary and I ate ages ago."

Severus resisted the urge to huff at the name. He wished Lily did not spend so much of her time with Mary McDonald. It limited his time with her, which always seemed too short as it was. Though, he dared not risk being seen with Lily too frequently. He wanted to avoid trouble, not invite it.

"What are you doing alone on a Saturday night in the library, Sev? The homework isn't that dire. Term just started, and we're only second years for Godric's sake!"

"Godric?" Severus asked, despite himself.

Lily waved her hand dismissively in the air. "It's just an expression. Here's another one: you need to get a life. Honestly, Sev! The library?"

Severus shrugged. He often went to the library. It was his place of refuge, away from his Slytherin peers, who always seemed so expectant of him, and the Gryffindor buffoons of his year. The only person he really wanted to see was sitting right in front of him. Thus, when she was not there, he went to the library. He would finish his homework and then read up on magical theory. He was very interested in Potions, like he had been reading before, but had an even stronger passion for the Defense Against the Dark Arts. He had just recently read a book about a skill that allowed a person to look into someone else's mind. What he would not give to see what Lily really thought about him.

Today, however, he was hiding out in the library for a reason a bit more important than mere academic advancement. He did not want to admit that to Lily, though.

She shook her head teasingly, and with a bright smile, she reached across the small table and stole his copy of _Magical Drafts and Potions_.

"You stole my book," he stated, sounding obvious but feeling a bit shocked.

"Observant, you are," she quipped with a laugh.

He grinned at the sound.

"I cannot, under good conscience, allow you to study any longer. It's just too pathetic, Sev. C'mon, I bet if we hurry the Great Hall will still be serving dinner."

Eagerly, he shoved his quill and parchment into his bag, which was overly worn at the seams and had its strap held on by a charm. "Aren't you going to give me my book back?"

Lily clutched her ransom with a grin. "Can you be trusted not to start doing more school work?"

"Of course," he replied promptly, feeling buoyant from her presence. "I'm extremely trustworthy."

His hand grazed her fingertips as she handed over the book. Ducking his head so that she could not see the slight blush creeping up on his face, he stuffed the book into his bag and then stood up and began walking towards the exit.

"Sev," Lily asked as she followed behind him, "why are you limping?"

"I'm not limping," he stammered quickly. He was lying, of course. The pain in his left leg could only be surpassed by the crushing tenderness of his ribs.

"Yes you are," she replied indignantly. "See!" she added as she pointed to his left foot. "You're doing it right now. What happened?"

Grinding his teeth together, Severus forced his weight onto his left foot while continuing to walk in a normal pace. "You're just seeing things, Lily," he told her in a voice that he kept devoid of the ache shooting down his leg.

"Fine! Fine!" she acquiesced in a blithely tone while she traced the wood of the banister as she scampered down the stairs. "I can see when I'm making you cross."

"And what is it exactly that you see?" he asked promptly as he followed slowly and painfully behind her. He regretted the overly eager tone of his voice that always happened to appear during these sorts of conversations. He felt like such a fool, exposed in his lovesickness over a girl who saw him as just a friend. Yet, there were times, such as now, as she spied him with bright eyes and a gleeful smirk, when he wondered if – perhaps, if he could dare to hope – something in her loved him, as well.

"Your mouth gets all serious. You frown better than anyone I know, Sev."

"What a compliment," he replied dryly, a bit disappointed by the response. In the talk of mouths, Severus's eyes could not help but to flicker down to Lily's lips. They looked pink, soft.

Last week, Avery had barged into Slytherin Common Room and plopped himself down next to Severus on one of the black leather couches with a cheeky smirk plastered to his face. Evidently, Avery had snogged Francesca Lycer earlier that afternoon. While Severus did not approve of such wanton behavior – Avery had admitted to not even liking the girl – he was unable to suppress his envy. The curiosity of what it must feel like to press his lips against a girl's blind sighted him. Severus had never before allowed himself to think about such frivolous things. Yet, lately, those thoughts had plagued his mind.

Avery had told Severus that he was better off just going for it. There was nothing like realization to quench curiosity. Avery said any girl would do; he should just go up to the first girl he saw and find out for himself.

The only girl Severus saw was Lily.

He forced his eyes away from her lips and then frowned at himself.

"And there you go again. What is it going to take to make you happy, Severus Snape?"

Severus took a moment to take a breath, for he suddenly felt as though he had been hit with a Stunning Spell. "Let's just go get something to eat," he answered finally as he held open the door to the Great Hall for her.

"I already ate."

"Pity."

Lily laughed at his overly wry tone and strode into the mostly empty Great Hall. "Where to?"

Severus scanned the room uneasily. While most of the Slytherins had already left, he was still wary to invite Lily to sit with him at the Slytherin Table, and he would rather eat his own toenails than sit at the Gryffindor Table. Perhaps this was why he had suggested he and Lily meet after dinner.

Judging by the way Lily was rolling her eyes, she seemed to sense his hesitation. "C'mon, Slughorn is always telling me I should be in Slytherin anyway."

With a ghost of a smile, he followed Lily over to the closest long table. "You say that like it would be a bad thing."

"Ugh, Sev, you know how I hate snakes. They give me a fright every time I see one. I'll stay where I am, thank you."

His lips curled into a leer. "And with every refusal, Slughorn's heart breaks all the more," he muttered darkly, looking up at the vacated seat of his least favorite professor.

"I don't know why you hate him so much," replied Lily, as though reading his thoughts. She sat down at an empty stretch of the table and scooted over so that he could join her. "He's perfectly harmless."

"Except for his blatant favoritism."

"You're just jealous that he likes me better."

Severus shook his head. "I expect him to like you better."

"Smart boy!" replied Lily with a laugh as she absentmindedly began to help herself to a slice of treacle tart, despite her previous insistence that she had already eaten. "You know," she added with through a mouthful of tart, "he really should give you more credit. You're the one who knows everything about potions. I'm just your partner. You're brilliant."

Severus coughed into his goblet of pumpkin juice. Covering his gaff, he forced a forkful of potato into his mouth.

"It's so odd to be on this side of the room," Lily commented, switching topics. She sat up in her chair and scanned the room. "Everything looks different."

"Sure you don't want to be a Slytherin?" asked Severus, wishing that the Sorting had gone differently and they had been allocated to the same House.

Lily stopped looking around and picked up her fork. "I think it's more like the Slytherins don't want me."

"Lily," Severus hissed angrily. He reached out to grab her hand but then forced it back to his side when he remembered the cuts along his knuckles.

She plastered a smile onto her face. "It's fine, Sev. It's just a fact of life like the sky is blue. I'm a muggleborn."

Severus leaned forward and glanced up quickly to make sure no one was eavesdropping. "That's not a bad thing, Lily."

"Tell that to Tuney," she joked with a forced laugh.

When he did not laugh back, she smiled again, a bit more brightly this time. "It's a shame, you know, that things aren't different. It might have saved me the annoyance."

Puzzled, Severus abandoned his steak and kidney pie to follow her gaze. His eyes narrowed as he spotted Sirius Black and James Potter laughing hysterically at the Gryffindor Table. With the exception of his parents, Severus did not hate anyone like he hated those two boys.

Sirius Black was ungrateful. He had everything. His parents were ridiculously rich. Severus never saw Black being forced to wear his mother's old shirts; everything Black owned was new – of course with the exception of priceless family heirlooms. More than wealth, however, Black had been privileged with the family name. It went beyond status; Black had acceptance. He could have easily fit into the Slytherin House. While Severus had to endure the taunts, the leers, and the ostracism, some Slytherins, like Slughorn, for example, were still scrambling over themselves to vie for Black's attention. Only, despite the ease with which Black could enter the highest social circles, he threw them away like a used tissue. And that fact made Severus hate him all the more.

James Potter was worse. Severus doubted if Potter even knew the definition of the word "unhappy." Just looking at him, Severus felt his appetite disappear. Potter had been born with a silver spoon in his mouth that had been replaced by even more lavishness as he grew up. Potter was a favorite of the professors. He was intelligent, funny, and charismatic in a way that Severus had never been. Even his hair, as ridiculously as it jutted out messily from his head, was superior to what Severus had. Moreover, Potter had one thing that Severus and even Black could not boast: the undeniable affection of his parents. Severus had seen them at Platform 9 3/4. His father had given him a warm hug, and his mother, who had had bloody tears in her eyes, had kissed him before shooing him away. The envy was unbearable. Inexcusably, however, Potter had even more than this. He had friends. He had admirers. And currently, he had Lily Evans staring at him.

"I don't know why he just doesn't get someone to put in announcement in the _Daily Prophet_ for him. Then maybe he could shut up already," the redhead seethed.

"What?" asked Severus, turning his gaze away from the laughing boys and towards her.

"Didn't you hear? I'm surprised. I reckoned he would have told everyone in Europe by now. Though, I suppose you two don't run in the same social circles."

Severus found the truth in her statement to be almost comical. He pressed his chapped lips tightly together and waited for Lily to explain herself.

Ignoring the remainder of her pie, Lily put down her fork and sighed before answering in a defeated voice. "Gryffindor has a new chaser."

"Potter made the Quidditch team?"

"Unfortunately."

"Oh." Severus's mind felt like it was simultaneously shutting down and racing at top speed.

"Yeah. I don't see why he's making such a fuss. It's not as though he's the first human being to ever handle a quaffle."

Severus frowned as he tried to sort out what he was telling her. "But I thought you liked Quidditch? You went to all the matches last year."

"It's fun to watch, but I don't see why he's making such a big fuss. I mean, he is very good - quite impressive, really. I heard that at his tryout he made every single goal, but that doesn't mean he has to be so arrogant about it. I hope he grows out of it because I don't reckon life will be much fun if this keeps up."

While this information did alleviate a bit of the hurt, Severus stiffened and turned back to his disregarded dinner. Pretending he did not notice Lily's inquisitive gaze – the way her eyebrows furrowed together – or the flowery smell of her hair in such close proximity to his left arm, he picked up his fork and started pushing his potatoes across his plate. At home, he rarely saw food in such abundance, and he knew he should take advantage of the opportunity as often as possible; yet, he could not bring himself to eat.

"Severus!"

Severus jerked his head upwards and, when he saw the dark haired boy approaching, he fought the urge to force Lily's head under the table. He clenched his jaw and plastered a grimace onto his face. Perhaps if he did not make it an issue, Mulciber would ignore Lily's presence altogether. "Hello, Mulciber," he greeted with a quick nod.

His dorm mate's lips spread into what one anyone else would have been a polite smile, but, because Severus knew better, was actually a sadistic grin. "You heading back to the dorms later? Avery said he has something to show us. Maybe Francesca gave him a love bite, eh?"

"I'll be up soon," Severus replied in a clipped tone. Carefully, he tried to turn so that he would block Lily from Mulciber's view. Unfortunately, this action only seemed to urge Mulciber to look. Anxiously Severus watched as the boy's eyes darted back and forth between the pair. Severus had always made a conscious effort not to let his Slytherin peers know the full details of his relationship with Lily.

"Who's your friend?"

Severus glanced nervously at Lily. A quick peek at the rest of the table showed him that the remaining, scattered Slytherin diners were all peering curiously at him, likely waiting to see if a row was about to ensue. "Lily Evans," he answered, even though both he and Mulciber knew that Mucliber already knew Lily's name. "Evans is my partner for Potions. She was just asking about a project. She just stopped by quickly." He kept his voice cold and unfeeling, to the point of disdain. He glanced back at Lily apologetically in attempt to explain merely with his eyes that he did not approve of his behavior.

Regrettably, Lily did not seem to understand. Her green eyes widened in confusion. "Hello," she said politely.

Mulciber nodded casually while eyeing the crumbs on Lily's plate. "You know, Severus, I know your mother isn't exactly _Tojours Pur _material, but that doesn't mean you need to resort to company like _this_."

Severus dug his nails so deeply into his palms that he was sure he drew blood. He was such a fool to bring Lily to this table. He did not dare to look at her or Mulciber. "I think you better go," he muttered. "I'll meet you later."

"Oh, Severus, don't be so angry. It was only a bit of fun. You're fine, aren't you, Lily Evans?"

Severus wanted to punch Mulciber in the face when he leaned across the table to leer at Lily.

"I should get going," Lily stammered. "I promised Mary, I'd, I should – "

She stood up suddenly and started to leave.

Severus called out her name before he could stop himself, only to the delight of Mulciber.

"Yes, Lily, wait. We haven't gotten a chance to ask Severus about his morning adventure."

Severus's body froze. Surely he would not mention that. He prayed to Merlin that Mulciber had even a scrap of a heart in his hollow chest.

"What?"

"You mean he didn't tell you?" asked Mulciber gleefully as he positioned himself in between Severus and Lily.

"Tell me what?"

"About his tryout! Severus, here, went out for the Quidditch team this morning."

"Sev! You did! Why didn't you tell me? That's brilliant! How'd it go?"

Severus's cheeks reddened. He fingered his wand in his robe pocket and began reciting hexes in his head.

Mulciber smirked. "Fell flat on his ass. Couldn't even get the broom ten feet in the air. Probably the worst try out in the history of the Slytherin House."

Mortified, Severus looked away from Lily's eyes, which were infuriatingly filled with pity, and saw Potter still chuckling in his periphery.

"Oh, Sev, I'm so sorry!"

"Now you know it must be dreadful, Sev. You even have the sympathy of Mudbloods."

Lily gasped audibly and then turned her face away. When she spoke, it sounded like she was trying to stifle tears. "I need to meet Mary. I'll see you tomorrow, Severus."

Severus rushed forward to run after her, but Mulciber stopped him by grabbing his arm. Severus looked at the boy with pure loathing.

"You know, someday you'll thank me for that."

"I highly doubt that."

Mulciber grinned again. "You need to learn something, Severus. If you're ever going to make something of yourself, you're not going to do it by running around behind people's backs with Mudbloods."

Severus jerked his arm out from under his grasp. "Don't call her that."

"It's what she is."

Severus frowned. He marched away from Mulciber and walked back to his dormitory in solitude, wondering if he was doing Lily Evans any favors by falling in love with her.


	3. James

**Chapter Three **

**James**

* * *

><p>James caught the red quaffle again. He languidly flicked the ball back into the air and then grabbed it loosely with his fingertips before it landed on his face. Deciding that this could become interesting, he wiggled his back a bit against the sheets of his unmade bed and threw the quaffle back into the air. James waited to see how long he could allow the ball to drop before it hit his face. After about thirty attempts, his reflexes were reaching the point at which he almost did not need to watch the ball fall.<p>

"Would you ruddy quit it?" Sirius asked irately from his bed. "You're going to break your glasses."

James caught the ball before it crashed into his nose. He leaned up to see that Sirius was spinning around in circles on his chair with his head tilted backwards. "Beats what you're doing," he replied.

"Merlin, I'm bored. I reckon this has been the most uneventful week in the history of Hogwarts – in the history of magic. Hell, this week makes even History of Magic seem like a night with Rosmerta."

"Still fancy more than the butterbeer, then, Sirius?" James asked with a smirk.

"Shut it," muttered Sirius, who only ever seemed to color when the barmaid was mentioned.

James snickered and then threw the quaffle at his best friend, who caught it, despite being unprepared. "We've got to do something. Spending a Thursday holed up in our room is inexcusable."

Sirius threw the quaffle back at James. "Hogsmeade?"

"Nah. I loaned Pete the cloak. I don't want another close call like last time."

"What's Pete doing with it?"

"Haven't the foggiest," answered James as he caught the quaffle and then spun it on his finger. "Probably snuck into the girls' loo or something to talk to Moaning Myrtle."

"He could do with a snog," snickered Sirius with a glint in his gray eyes. "Where's Remus?"

"Library," James replied with distaste. "Said he had too much work to do for Flitwick and has been gone since lunch. You know how he likes to get all his work done before the full moon."

Sirius nodded thoughtfully as he spun around in his chair and flipped the quaffle over his shoulder. "Sodding overachiever. I wish we could figure out how to become animagi already."

Thinking about how difficult it was to watch Remus leave for the Shrieking Shack every month – like an innocent man headed to Azkaban, James fiddled with the ball and then tossed it back to Sirius. "We'll figure it out."

"Hopefully sooner rather than later. Did you do any of that Charms homework yet, mate?"

James seized the quaffle and then shrugged. "I'll just wait till Remus gets back and copy his."

"Brilliant. Kitchens?"

"Dinner starts in about an hour."

"So?"

James tossed the quaffle away. "Let's go."

* * *

><p>"You'll never believe what I just heard!"<p>

"Filch and Pince are running off together to elope, and that bleeding cat of his finally kicked it?"

"No, Sirius…what?"

Sirius shrugged and ripped off a large chunk of chicken off a drumstick with his teeth – ignoring the obscene amount of chocolate pudding and truffles he had eaten only about half an hour prior. "Just a guess."

Rolling his eyes, Peter plopped himself down next to Remus and began piling sweet potatoes onto his golden plate. "Pretty far off."

"What happened, Peter?" asked Remus curiously.

"Thwell, Bulfiw shbacked Fairy Shmofald."

"Ugh, bloody hell, Pete. Swallow first," James chastised him as he put down his goblet of pumpkin juice in distaste. "You're worse than Sirius."

"Oi!"

"Don't argue with the truth, mate."

Peter gulped down his pumpkin juice, slammed down the goblet, and then swabbed his mouth with the back of his hand. "Mulciber attacked Mary Macdonald."

Immediately, the three jaunty boys stopped eating and dropped their utensils in outrage. Without realizing, Remus accidentally stuck his elbow in his pea soup, and his robes were getting more and more soaked with green mush.

"What!" James cried.

"Where?" Sirius yelled.

"Is she okay?" Remus demanded.

"Not all at once!" Peter told them. "I just heard this from Philippa. Apparently Mary was walking back from the owlery, and she and Mulciber got into an argument."

"So he attacked her? That's horrible!"

"Don't sound so shocked, Remus. He's a Slytherin. That's what they do."

"And Mary's muggleborn," James reminded them as he shook his head. "Blood obsessed berks. I hate the lot of them."

"Is Mary okay?" Remus asked again.

"Yeah, Philippa says she'll be fine. Lily took her to see Madame Pomfrey."

"The Hospital Wing? I thought you said she was fine!"

"I did! She is! I think it was more for distress than anything."

A dark look of purpose on his face, Sirius leaned closer to Peter. Beside him, James did the same. "What spell did Mulciber use on her?"

"Philippa didn't know. Nobody does. It wasn't pleasant, though, whatever it was."

James sighed and leaned back in his chair. "So somebody in this school is experimenting with Dark Magic."

"Wonder where Mulciber got it from," murmured Sirius thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you daft, Remus? Like Mulciber could figure out something like that on his own. No, this was someone else's handiwork." Sirius paused and peered around the Great Hall, his eyes settling on where Mulciber and his friends usually sat. While the other boys continued speculating, he formulated his own theory.

"Sirius?" James asked, breaking Sirius out of his reverie.

"Huh?"

"What is it?"

Sirius shot another dark look at the Slytherin table. "Nothing yet."

* * *

><p>James took Peter's Queen in their fourth game of Wizards' Chess. Whenever Remus was gone for the full moon, he liked to stay busy. Sitting around too much let his mind wander to places he preferred it would not go. Wizards' Chess provided the necessary distraction; he only wished Peter was a better adversary.<p>

"Damn," sighed Peter as he eyed the board.

"Er, yeah," commented James, flicking his fingers through the back of his hair – a nervous tick. "Maybe we should switch to Exploding Snap, or something."

Just as Peter was retrieving a pack of cards from underneath James's half-written History of Magic Essay, Sirius, whose gray eyes were bright and unfocused, strode into the dorm.

"Hey, Sirius!" Peter greeted him cheerfully as James nodded his head in acknowledgment. "Are you up for an exciting game of Exploding Snap?"

"Er, maybe later, Pete. Have you guys seen Remus?" Sirius asked as he removed his schoolbag and tossed it onto his bed.

Frowning to himself, James got off the floor. He eyed Sirius's overly eager body language suspiciously. "He went down with Pomfrey already. Don't you remember what today is?"

Sirius sighed in relief and then forced his features into a grin. "Course I do. Wouldn't forget something like that. Exploding Snap, you said, Pete?"

"Yeah, let me just deal out the – "

"What's going on?" demanded James, crossing his arm over his chest.

"Nothing. C'mon, let's play."

"Sirius," James pressed.

"James, c'mon," replied Sirius with a laugh. To anyone else, it would have sounded dismissive, but James recognized the tenseness in his voice. "Don't worry about it."

James scowled and closed some of the gap between him and Sirius. Normally, if Sirius wanted to keep a secret, he would respect that and let it drop. However, something in the back of his mind was screaming sirens of danger. "You're not acting like it's nothing. Why did you want to know where Remus is?"

"I just wanted to make sure he's in place. What about those cards, Pete?"

Before Peter could respond, James cut him off. "In place for what?"

Sirius sucked in his cheeks and then rolled back on his heels. He paused for a moment before he seemed to make a decision. "Look, I ran into Snape on my way back from class."

"Snivellus! Brilliant!" added Peter. "What happened?"

"The usual mostly. We exchanged the customary pleasantries." Sirius's tone was light and sardonic but then it turned into almost a growl. "And he kept asking questions about where Remus was. He said something about how crazy the full moon can make people sometimes."

"You don't think?" said Peter, shocked.

James, however, did not need to ask. He was sure this meant that Snape knew Remus's secret. He could just imagine the revolting look of achievement when Snape figured it out. He was always sticking his large nose into places where it did not belong and leaving grease behind.

"What did you say?" questioned Peter. "You denied it, right? Told him he went home to visit his mum."

James's hands had begun to sweat, but his heart literally stopped beating when he saw Sirius divert his eyes. He tried to keep his voice steady when he asked, "Sirius, what did you do?"

"It's just to scare him a bit, James. Nothing bad is going to happen."

"Sirius," said James. His voice was raspy and quiet – intimidating.

"I – I told him about the tree. I said that if he was so interested in knowing where Remus goes all the time, he should find out for himself."

James suddenly felt his mouth go dry. Blinking a few times, he was brought back to his senses by the sound of Peter dropping the cards he was holding.

"Oh!" squeaked Peter, kneeling down to pick them up.

James narrowed his eyes at Sirius, and he felt blood coursing through his veins. He rushed over to the boy and grabbed fistfuls of his shirt. "What the bloody hell were you thinking?"

Tense, Sirius tried to break free, but James retained his grip. "C'mon, mate, it's only a joke. Just another prank. I didn't think – "

"That much is abundantly clear," James finished for him furiously. "Do you have any clue what this means? Remus has no idea about this. What if Snape goes down there and finds a hungry werewolf? How could you betray your friend like this? We swore we would never tell anyone!"

"James, I – "

"How dare you, Sirius?" roared James, practically spitting in Sirius's face due to their closeness. "How could you be so stupid, so reckless over something as worthless as a fight with Snape? How could you do this to Remus?"

In disgust, James shoved Sirius back so forcefully that Sirius banged into a wall and caused a Gryffindor banner to fall down. "Get away from me," James spat.

"Please, James! What can I do?"

"How much of a head start does he have?"

"About ten minutes," answered Sirius, looking down at his shoes. He broke out into a surge of apologies.

James, however, was not listening to Sirius's pleas. He was too focused on searching for his wand and his cloak. As soon as he found both, he started to race out of the room.

"James! Wait! Where are you going?"

James wrenched the door open and shot one livid glare back at Sirius. "I'm going to go get Snape before Remus becomes a murderer."

"Wait! I'll come with you!"

James set his jaw stonily. "You've done enough damage already." He slammed the door behind him, but not before he saw Sirius's expression crumble.

* * *

><p>James sprinted through the castle as fast as he could. Though he did not know how much ground Severus had managed to cover in ten minutes, he did not want to spare a single moment. He had not even stopped when he collided into some girl, but called out an apology over his shoulder. His shins ached, and his left side stung with every gasping breath. However, James did not slow down his pace until he reached the Whomping Willow.<p>

His chest heaving from the force of his panting, James eyed the treacherous tree with foreboding. He walked a few cautious paces forward and jumped back when one of the branches nearly beheaded him. James knew that there was some charm he could use to immobilize the tree, but he could not remember what it Flitwick had said about it. He was sure it was beyond a Third Year's capabilities, especially under stress. As the sweat pooled down his neck, causing his uniform shirt to stick to his back, James searched the tree's trunk until he found the knot that would stop the tree's movements.

He allowed himself a few moments of trepidation before gritting his teeth and charging towards the knot. He dodged the thick branches that seemed more like ricocheting stone pillars than part of a tree and swerved past the winding leaves. A few paces away from the knot, he ducked to avoid a branch that was trying to slice him down the middle and lurched forward into a dive towards the knot.

Just as his fingers slid over the spot, a nasty branch zoomed towards him and walloped him across the face. James hissed loudly as he felt the wood slice his cheek. Tears welled up in his eyes from the pain, and he immediately raised his hand to the wound. This, of course, made the cut sting even more, and James swore loudly.

Then, before the tree started moving again, James got to his knees and lowered himself down through the gap in the roots. When he hit the ground, James's legs jolted from the impact, but he compelled himself to start running through the dark tunnel. He lit his wand and urged himself to go faster. He was sure that his difficulty with the Whomping Willow had cost him precious time.

"Snape!" he called out into the darkness. Still, running, James cast a spell to illuminate his wand and continued to yell Snape's name. As James continued, he began to hear another set of footsteps, and he quickened his pace. "Snape! Stop! Snape!"

The tunnel began to rise and twisted to the side. James could spot light ahead and a dark figure.

"Snape!" he shouted. "Turn around! Get out of there!"

Snape, however, did not turn. He continued to move closer to the light source.

"Bloody hell!" James cried as he sprinted towards Snape. Fully intent on dragging Snape back with him, James grabbed the boy's robes near his shoulder. However, as soon as he had wrapped his fingers around the material, James saw that Snape had a perfect view of the interior of the Shrieking Shack.

James took no notice of the peeling wallpaper, broken floorboards, and smashed windows. His eyes were focused on the center of the room where a very large werewolf was snarling with its viciously pointed incisors on display as he eyed his intruders. With horror, he froze in shock.

The sound of Snape's strangled scream set James back in action. Before the werewolf Remus could get any further, James grabbed Snape's elbow and started pulling him away from the room. "Run!" James yelled. "Run! Keep running!"

It took Snape a few moments to register what James was screaming. However, comprehension gleamed in his ink eyes, and Snape began to follow swiftly behind James, who did not remove his hold on Snape the whole time they tore through the tunnels.

James could hear the wolf's howls, but he did not think it was chasing them. Nevertheless, he did not want to risk anything so he did not let up his pace until he and Snape had made it back above ground.

The Whomping Willow's branches swatted his left shoulder and cracked against his back, but he kept running with his hand shackled around Snape until they reaches safety from the tree's scope.

Then, James released his hold, and the two boys promptly collapsed to the ground in exhaustion.

* * *

><p>"Can you please tell me exactly what Mr. Black said to you, Mr. Snape?"<p>

Bruised and tired, James fought the urge to squirm in his hard-backed chair as he only half-listened to what Snape was saying from the chair beside him. He knew he should have been paying more attention to the questions Dumbledore was asking Snape, but his mind was preoccupied with fretting about the future. Would Dumbledore punish Remus? Was Sirius going to be expelled? What was Snape going to do?

James kept his head down and his gaze focused on his trainers. He was no novice to the Headmaster's office, but the circumstances were usually less severe. James looked up when Dumbledore called his name. He avoided the Headmaster's eyes because he was afraid of what he might find there. However, the way Dumbledore's shoulders slumped underneath his dark purple robes, James thought he looked like he had aged another twenty years. Dumbledore's long fingers were folded on top of his desk, and James stared at them as he cleared his throat.

"Had you been privy to Mr. Black's plot, Mr. Potter?"

James shook his head. "No, sir. I had no idea at all until Sirius had already done it."

"And how long have you known about Mr. Lupin?"

"We figured it out last year, sir."

"Have you told anyone before?"

"No, sir."

"And may I ask why you followed Mr. Snape instead of alerting either myself or Professor McGonagall?"

James swallowed. "I'm sorry, sir. I never even considered that as an option. It was all happening so quickly. I didn't want Sirius to get into trouble, and with every passing second I knew Snape was getting closer to the Shrieking Shack. I couldn't let Remus do anything like that, so I just reacted. I suppose it was instinct." When James finished his little speech, he ducked his head back down. He felt Dumbledore's eyes watching him intently, and he could sense pricks on the back of his neck.

Hesitantly, James lifted his gaze to meet the Headmaster's. The twinkle was absent; instead, Dumbledore's eyes seemed a dull blue, clouded by weariness. James offered him an apologetic smile.

"Mr. Potter, you have acted quite rashly tonight. As a Third Year student, you never should have followed Mr. Snape without the supervision of a better qualified wizard. You are quite lucky to have returned unscathed."

James nodded submissively.

"However," Dumbledore added in a lighter tone. "I must commend you for your bravery. Though brazen, you did show tremendous loyalty to Mr. Lupin, and in doing so, you have saved the life of Mr. Snape, who is quite in your debt."

James shifted awkwardly in his chair and sensed the tenseness emitting from the boy beside him, whom James had been doing his best to ignore. He seriously doubted if Dumbledore could have possibly said a thing that would have irritated Snape more.

"Sir," questioned James, distracting Dumbledore from his eye contact with Snape, "you're not going to punish Remus for this, right? I swear he didn't have anything to do with it. He's completely innocent!"

"Relax, Mr. Potter," replied Dumbledore in a soothing voice. "Mr. Lupin will be informed of this in the morning, but I will not be punishing him in any way. I have a feeling the news alone will torture him enough. I trust that Mr. Black acted alone."

James reached for the back of his hair nervously. "Please, Professor. I know what Sirius did was wrong, but please don't expel him."

Dumbledore sighed heavily and then placed his hands in his lap. "I shall speak to Mr. Black tonight. Professor McGonagall has kindly offered to fetch him for me. I do not wish to expel him, Mr. Potter, but you must understand the gravity of this issue. It is a serious offense, and I do not take it lightly."

James nodded.

"Now," continued Dumbledore. "We have other matters to discuss beyond the fate of Mr. Black. Mr. Snape, tonight you have discovered that one of your fellow students is secretly a werewolf. Mr. Lupin and the real purpose of the Shrieking Shack and Whomping Willow must not be made common knowledge. I must have your word that you will not tell a living soul what you have discovered tonight."

"I swear, Professor," Snape answered curtly.

"Mr. Potter, do I have your discretion, as well?"

"Not a living soul, sir," James promised.

Dumbledore nodded to himself. "I think it is imperative in trying times to remember that our own actions have repercussions that reach far beyond ourselves. I know that there is some animosity between you two," he paused briefly as he scanned both of them with his piercing gaze, "but I trust that you will both emerge from this situation honorably. You are free to go."

James blanched in his chair.

"Something amiss, Mr. Potter?" asked Dumbledore.

"Er, yeah," replied James, who could not quite believe the meeting was already complete. "Aren't we going to get in trouble? Detentions or house points, or something?"

"Mr. Potter, do you really think these circumstances warrant such trivial chastisements? Will losing the House Cup change the fact that Mr. Lupin almost committed a senseless murder against his will?"

James sank back in his chair foolishly. "No, sir."

Dumbledore rose from his chair, and James and Snape hurried to do the same. "I will be checking to ensure that both of you have kept your promises. I'm sure that Madame Pomfrey will be able to tend to your injuries."

"That's okay," sputtered James quickly. "I mean, I'd rather just go to bed, sir."

"Me too," muttered Snape.

Dumbledore sighed and then opened the door to his office. "Very well. Now, I'm sorry to be rude, but I really must speak with Mr. Black now."

James hurried through the open door and then continued down the spiral staircase. He passed a very nervous looking Sirius on the way, and despite all of his anger at him, he offered Sirius what he hoped appeared like an encouraging smile.

James could hear Snape snarl when he spotted Sirius, but neither boy said anything.

When James and Snape reached the corridor again, they immediately sprang apart after being in such close proximity to each other.

Snape eyed James like he was a poisonous snake. "I'm not in your debt," he spat.

"I didn't say you were."

"Don't think you can come out of this all high and noble. You might have convinced Dumbledore that this was all Black's idea, but I know better. Tricking me into nearly dying and then faking the heroics at the last second? This whole stint reeks of Potter. Don't you think for one second that I believe you were actually concerned for my life. You only cared about preserving your own neck."

James sighed. "Look, Snape, nothing I say is going to persuade you, so I won't even bother. Just don't tell anyone about Remus, and we'll be fine."

Severus did not say anything.

"Please, Snape. You can blame me but leave him out of this. You have no idea what this will to do to Remus if it gets out. I'll do anything."

"Leave Lily Evans alone," stammered Snape quickly.

"What?" asked James.

Snape's sallow face turned about seven shades pinker. He looked like a sunburned lemon. The mortification was painfully evident in his black eyes.

"Got a crush, Snivelly?" taunted James cruelly with the makings of a smirk alight on his face. Despite the horrors of the day, his enemy's petrified expression was enough to cheer him up. "Evans is pretty fit. Can't say I blame you. It's the red hair that gets me, but you probably know all about that. I wonder what she'd say if she found out you fancy her."

"You wouldn't," Snape hissed quietly.

"Wouldn't I?" goaded James saccharinely. The mocking disappeared, and his eyes turned grave again. "Don't tell anyone about Remus, and Evans will never find out. I give you my word." James held out his hand for Snape to shake.

Snape eyed the proffered hand with disdain. "Fine," he spat before striding away.

James shook his head as he watched the dark figure move farther from you. "You're welcome by the way!" he hollered after him.


	4. Lily II

**Chapter Four**

**Lily**

Panicking only slightly, she gathered her thoughts for a brief moment before jotting down one last quick fact about using chocolate as a natural remedy to ward off the effects of a dementor.

"Quills down, please!"

Compliantly, Lily stopped her scribbling and set her quill down next to her parchment, which was covered in her writing. The script had begun neatly, but as her eyes inspected farther down, the writing became messier. The original even rows had degenerated into slanted scrawl between ink blots. Nevertheless, it was over. She had finished.

Flexing her sore, ink-splattered right hand, Lily took a much needed sigh of relief when her parchment rolled itself up and flew to the front of the room into Professor Flitwick's open arms. She even chuckled lightly when Flitwick flew backwards. She had reached a point at which the sheer amount of studying made her delirious. It was lovely to have one less exam to worry about. The weight of O.W.L.s, which last week had seemed to be crushing her spine – quite possibly from all the textbooks she had been lugging around in her schoolbag – had lessened significantly.

After Flitwick had been helped to his feet by students sitting closer to the front, he dismissed them. Buoyantly, Lily rose from her desk and filed behind the rest of the fifth years leaving the Great Hall. While her legs felt a bit stiff from sitting for so long, her brain felt pleasantly fuzzy, as though it did not want to function beyond necessary motor controls after its rigorous workout but was still content merely to have made it through the ordeal. Lily realized that the same effect could be achieved by downing a few shots of Firewhiskey, and she would not have had to study. This idea struck her as incredibly funny, and she began to giggle frenetically to herself.

"Lily!"

Her head whipped to the left where she saw Mary weaving through groups of students as she neared closer. Lily slid between a few Ravenclaw boys and skirted around a hysterically crying Hufflepuff girl, whom she gave a sympathetic smile before reaching Mary.

Mary tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear as she greeted Lily with a smile. "Bloody hell it feels wonderful to get Defense done and over with. I thought I'd have to be practicing hexes for ages."

Lily grinned. "You? I remember being the one on the receiving side of those attempts."

Mary laughed and waved her hand in the air dismissively. "Water under the bridge now, dear. Now, tell me. Why were you laughing before? You look far too cheerful for just rendering your finger muscles useless for three hours."

"I dunno," replied Lily with a shrug. "Just the post-exam giddy phase. It's already started to fade."

Mary's mouth dropped in feigned horror. "No! I simply will not allow that to happen. Exams are over. It's time to celebrate and rot our brains."

"Except for the fact that we still have a Transfiguration exam to study for," Lily dutifully reminded her.

Mary swatted Lily's arm playfully and then called out to one of the girls walking past them. "Oi, Maggie!" she yelled to the dirty blonde. "Lily is trying to off me with prudence."

"Well, we can't have that!" said Maggie as more and more fifth years walked by them. "Let's head to the grounds. The weather's lovely, and we deserve at least an hour or two of relaxation before we start studying again."

"Brilliant!" agreed Mary enthusiastically before turning to the redhead. "C'mon, Lily. Transfiguration will still be there when we're done. Pretend you're not a prefect for a bit."

Lily honestly did not think that her brain currently had the ability to absorb any more material, but, just to be a pain, she huffed and puffed before finally acquiescing.

Laughing, she and Mary joined Maggie's friends and exited the castle.

"Oh, sunlight, how I have missed you!" Mary sang dramatically as she spun around in a little circle in the grass. "I swear that being cooped up in the library all the time has been killing me."

"When were you ever in the library?" Lily teased.

"When I was snogging Will Jordan."

"That Ravenclaw beater?"

"That's the one," Mary told one of Maggie's friends, Kennedy, who stared at Mary with wide eyes.

"He's so fit!" chimed Philippa, a tall Welsh girl who slept in the bed two down from Lily's.

"Fit for gossip and fantasy," dismissed Lily. "C'mon, ladies. Let's just enjoy a beautiful afternoon without perverting it with talk of blokes."

The girls laughed and began adjusting their ties and removing their heavy, black school robes as they meandered down to the lake. The air was warm with a slight breeze, and the sun made the lake's water appear as though it was winking at them.

Mary plopped down at the lake's edge and began removing her shoes, and soon they were all dipping their toes into the fresh water.

"Merlin, I love summer," declared Mary with a sigh as she reclined back and tossed her long brown hair over her shoulder.

"I can't wait to be done with these ruddy O.W.L.s," agreed Maggie. "As soon as I'm through with them, I'm chucking my Divination book in the bin. I can't believe I've wasted my time trying to find meaning from tea leaves. They can just go in the bin, as well. To hell with them!"

"To hell with Potions," added Kennedy. "I'll never concoct anything again!"

"Cheers!"

Lily scowled to herself. She actually liked Potions. Plus, it was one of her few opportunities to spend time with Severus. She, of course, had her prefect duties, and he seemed so busy lately. He kept rescheduling their time together. It would have been easier if they could spend time together publically, but Severus seemed to have an aversion to that.

Lily told herself that it was because he was trying to look out for her, but lately, it was getting more difficult to eradicate the nagging feeling that he was ashamed of their friendship.

Lily looked at Kennedy and saw Severus, nearly hidden in a row of bushes.

"Oh, cheer up, Lily," Mary hissed in her ear as she wiggled her bare toes in the water. "Just because Slughorn is madly in love with you doesn't mean we all have to like Potions."

Lily rolled her eyes and flicked water in Mary's direction. "He's impossible."

"And completely smitten. I swear, you could completely botch a potion, and he wouldn't realize."

Lily rolled her eyes but then smirked slightly. "Well, maybe not completely botch," she allowed before she and Mary turned to join the rest of the girls in conversation. As she listened to their conversation about Maggie's latest clumsy moment, her eyes kept flicking over to where Severus had abandoned thr sheet of parchment that he had been intensely studying and was striding across the grounds.

She watched more closely when she saw James Potter and his friends approach him. From years of friendship, she noticed that Severus's body language looked defensive, and she wondered what Potter was doing now.

"…And then I completely fell down the stairs!" finished Maggie enthusiastically before bursting into a fit of giggles.

Mary laughed loudly and then turned to see if Lily was laughing too. "Hey, Lily, what are you looking at?"

Lily pointed over to where Severus was standing. A crowd had formed, and she could no longer see her friend. "Something's going on over there."

"I'm sure it's nothing," said Philippa, whom Lily knew had always had a bit of a thing for Potter.

"It doesn't seem like nothing," disagreed Lily. Heeding caution, she removed her feet from the water and began putting her shoes back on.

"They're probably just letting off some steam, Lily. It's nothing to get worked up about," Kennedy said.

The crowd shifted, and Lily could see that both Potter and Black had their wands out. Quickly, almost without thinking, Lily was on her feet and rushing towards the crowd, immune to the fact that Mary was calling out her name loudly behind her. She fingered her wand in her pocket and craned her neck to see what was happening.

Nudging her way through the students gathered around, Lily glimpsed Severus on the green grass with what appeared to be pink bubbles foaming from his mouth. Livid, her gaze shifted to Potter's amused face.

"Leave him ALONE!" she shouted furiously.

Infuriatingly, Potter ignored her friend on the ground and began to fiddle with his hair. His grin was positively repugnant when he greeted her with his usual, "All right, Evans?"

Wondering how possibly could possibly be worried about his hair when he was harassing one of her best friends, Lily said again, "Leave him alone. What's he ever done to you?"

"Well," replied James, dragging the word out as his smirk grew impossibly wider. "It's more the fact that he _exists _if you know what I mean…."

In her periphery, Lily sensed the crowd around them laughing. Fury boiling inside of her, she looked over at Severus crawling on the ground and then shifted her gaze to the pathetic excuse of a human being in front of her. "You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_."

His grin faltered for a split second before his face lit up with delight. "I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go on…go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

Lily's stomach churned with nausea. She could not believe that he had the nerve to proposition her while simultaneously tormenting one of her best friends. Moreover, she could not believe that he had asked her out at all. Who asked a girl out that way? Who could possibly find this situation romantic?

Though they had been certainly watching her before, Lily suddenly felt the stares of everyone around her. Her face colored darkly, and she looked away from Potter's waiting face. Her hands tightened into fists as she attempted to control her shaking. "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," she answered finally.

Then, quickly tearing her eyes away from his expression – but not fast enough to miss the way his lips drooped – she focused on Severus just in time to see him raise his wand in Potter's direction.

In a few short seconds and two flashes of light, Potter was clutching his bleeding cheek, and Severus was hanging in the air by his ankle. His robes hand fallen over his head, and Lily could see his graying underpants.

The absurdity of the image almost made her smile, but she controlled herself out of loyalty to Severus. Also, she refused to give Potter the satisfaction. Mindful of the loud snickers of the crowd, Lily took a step closer to Potter and demanded that Severus be let down.

"Certainly," James replied.

Lily watched as Severus fell back to the ground, but a moment later he had fallen back, stiff as a board. Enraged, she turned to see that it was Black, not Potter, who was brandishing his wand. Looking at her friend in a frozen, defenseless state with two bullies towering over him was too much for Lily to tolerate. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!" she bellowed before pulling out her own wand and pointing it in their direction.

Potter eyed her wearily but still looked at her with an easy friendliness that made her question if he even realized what he was doing. "Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you."

Lily wondered if that would be the only thing Potter would even regret from the day. "Take the curse off him, then!"

They stared at each other for a few moments. Potter seemed to be waiting for her to soften or crack a smile, so she kept her gaze cold and stern.

Finally, he sighed and removed the curse.

Lily let out a sigh of her own. Her heart, which had been pounding throughout the whole altercation, started to slow down as the adrenaline faded.

"There you go," Potter said while Severus strained to stand up. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus _ "

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Distantly, she could hear a general hush from the people around her, but she could not comprehend it. Lily did not quite believe that the words had left his mouth, but the look of absolute hatred on his face must have meant that he had been the one to say them. She blinked, and the image of Severus, crouched and snarling, remained the same.

"Fine," she said, trying to sound indifferent when really she felt like crying. Yet, as she continued to look at him, that boy who had been ignoring her lately, who froze whenever they passed a Slytherin, and who treated her with disdain after she had just defended him, her anguish burned into malice. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_." Though she had never referred to him by that before, she spat the nickname like she would a foul curse – the way someone would utter the word he had just called her.

Lily stared at Severus with the wrath and passion – and mostly hurt – he had kindled within her. He seemed to retract under her gaze, but Potter interrupted before Snape could say anything.

He marched over righteously and aimed his wand at Snape's jugular. "Apologize to Evans!" he demanded loudly.

Somehow, the very thought of James Potter defending her honor infuriated Lily all the more. "I don't want _you _to make him apologize. You're just as bad as he is…"

"What?" yapped Potter, dropping his wand slightly in surprise, as he stopped snarling at Snape and softened when he looked at Lily. "I'd NEVER call you – a-you-know-what!"

And, somehow, even though James Potter was a conceited prat whom she despised, she knew he was telling the truth. However, it did not redeem the fact that he had been torturing a student for his own amusement, and so she felt no remorse when she let him have it.

"Messing up your hair just because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."

Feeling exhilaratingly liberated by her speech, Lily spun on her heel and stormed off. Her heart pounding so forcibly that it made her ears ring, Lily ignored Potter's calls and continued marching. Disoriented, she made her way towards the castle as her heart slowed, and the impact of what had happened by the lake sank in. The fire that had been crackling within her was practically gone, and all she wanted to do was cry. She let out the slightest sniffle when she heard someone call her name.

Immediately, she tightened her jaw and walked faster towards the castle. She had reached an abandoned corridor near the Great Hall when her pursuer finally caught up with her. Lily felt someone grab her wrist. Prepared to fight, Lily twisted around only to find Mary. Her resolve weakened, and she felt her eyes well up in tears. She opened her mouth to speak, but there was nothing to say.

Mary swiftly enveloped Lily in a tight hug. "Oh, Lily," she said soothingly as she let Lily cry.

* * *

><p>After a few minutes, Mary had the wisdom to leave the corridor before the rest of the students got out of their lessons and started roaming the halls again. She guided Lily back to the Gryffindor Tower and then helped whisk her up the stairs to their dorm before people got a good look of her. Per Mary's orders, Lily had taken a long, scalding hot shower and then changed into her pajamas.<p>

Wiping away tears from her cheeks, Lily plopped onto her bed. She wondered how much longer the tears would continue to flow; surely they would have run out by now. Mary joined her and then shut the curtains and put a silencing charm around them.

"I just don't understand why Sev would say that," Lily wailed as she rested her head on Mary's shoulder. "We've been friends for years."

"Shh," Mary hushed while brushing back Lily's auburn hair as she blubbered. "It's okay."

"I've known him longer than I've known you. His my oldest friend besides my sister. I can't believe him. It's not like him. Sev wouldn't use that word. He would never call me a M-M – " Lily stumbled on the word and then choked back tears.

"He's wretched," replied Mary indulgently. "Absolutely awful."

"And it's not just today. He's been avoiding me for ages. I'm not stupid. I know he doesn't want to be seen with me. He's been acting differently. The things he's been doing, the people he's been spending time with, those Death Eaters, Avery and Mulciber…"

Mary flinched, and Lily was immediately contrite. "I'm so sorry. I should never have brought him up after what he did to you."

"It's fine," Mary said brusquely.

Lily frowned. "I knew Sev had faults, but I never thought he was a bad person. He's always just been my friend, but it's like I'm not good enough for him anymore. All he cares about now is his own power and that means he can't be associated with anyone who's got dirty blood."

"Lily," Mary said forcefully as she pushed Lily off her side and held her firmly by her shoulders. "Look at me."

Slowly, Lily lifted up her sad eyes to see Mary's resolute expression.

"You are not and will never be anything less than what you are. You are smart and kind and beautiful. Anyone who doesn't see that is not worth your time."

Lily chanced a shaky smile. "You have to say that because you're my best friend." With a pang, she realized that Mary was now her only best friend.

"If you were lousy, I'd tell you," Mary promised with a grin as she let Lily's shoulders go. "Like when I say that right now you look pretty awful."

Lily laughed aloud and wiped away her tears and flattened out her hair. "Oh, Merlin, I bet everyone's talking about it."

"Naturally," Mary replied quickly. "I mean, James Potter did ask you out in front of everyone in our year."

Lily's eyes widened before she flopped back onto her pillows. "Bloody hell I'd almost forgotten." She propped herself up on her elbows. "What was that?"

"A misguided attempt at romance?"

Lily scoffed. "Doubtful. Even Potter couldn't be that daft. Merlin, he's such a git. He probably just wanted to goad Sev even further. They've always hated each other."

"And that doesn't have anything to do with you."

"Please."

"No, Lily, I'm serious. I think that's why there's so much animosity between them."

"Well, then I have even less respect for both of them. I won't be dating either of them anytime soon. When do you think I'll be able to show my face again?"

Mary rolled her eyes. "You better hope that there's another scandal soon because, otherwise, I think people will be talking about this for weeks – at least until the end of term."

Lily groaned and pushed her pillow over her face. "I'm never leaving this room."

"C'mon, Lily. You've got to leave sometime."

"No, it'll be good. I'll be able to study Transfiguration much better from the safety of my own bed."

"What about food?"

"I'm not hungry." As soon as the words left Lily's lips, her stomach gurgled angrily.

She and Mary laughed at the sound.

"Look," proposed Mary thoughtfully. "I'm going to go down to the Great Hall to get some dinner. How about I start with damage control and bring you back something? Chocolate?"

"You are the best, Mary."

"Yeah, yeah. Just remember that when my birthday comes around next year."

Lily laughed and then pulled her knees into her chest. Her smile faltered slightly as she thought about Severus.

"Will you be okay while I'm gone?"

Lily nodded a few times. "Yeah, I'll be fine. It's just so strange to think that Sev and I won't be friends again." She paused for a few moments before adding, "I guess I should start calling him Snape now. Everybody else does. Everyone was always telling me I shouldn't be friends with him. I guess I've learned my lesson, huh?"

"Lily, you don't have to stop being friends with him. Even though I don't understand it, I know you care about him. Maybe there's – "

"No, Mary. I think, somehow, it's for the best. It just hurts too much to keep trying."

Mary smiled sadly and then kissed the top of Lily's head before leaving her alone to sort out her thoughts.

* * *

><p>Without someone to distract her, Lily began to cry once more. She cried for Severus – for seeing her friend abused, for offending his pride, and for failing to save him. And she cried for losing him, for the biting hurt his words caused, and for the look of hatred in his eyes. She even cried for how dumbfounded she had felt when James Potter became the first boy to ever ask her out. She cried until the grief began to subside, leaving her numb.<p>

Later than she expected, Lily heard a light tapping against her scarlet curtains and abandoned the pillow she had been clutching tightly to her chest and opened the hangings to reveal a somber-looking Mary.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked shakily in a husky voice. "Out of chocolate?"

Mary fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Okay, worse than chocolate. What took you so long? Did a childhood friend demean you, too?" she joked lamely.

Mary sighed and sat down on the bed beside Lily. "Snape is waiting for you by the Fat Lady."

"I don't want to talk to him," answered Lily roughly. "I don't even want to see him. Tell him to leave. I never want to see him again."

Mary frowned. "I tried, Lily. I really did, but he says he won't go until you talk to him."

"Great," Lily quipped sarcastically. "Just ruddy wonderful. He thinks he can just decide to be friends again, that I'll just forgive him like I always do. Well, this time, I'm not doing it. We're through."

"He keeps harassing people to try to get them to give him the password. It's causing a lot of trouble. He says he'll stand out there all night if that's what it takes."

Lily growled. She knew he would. She also knew that he was doing this purposefully because she would go talk to him merely to protect everyone else. "I hate him," Lily spat, almost meaning the words.

"I'm sorry," Mary apologized. "I wish there was another way. If you want, I can ask Remus or Philippa."

"No," Lily hissed. She did not want Potter and his friends getting involved. "I'll handle this."

Mary retrieved Lily's dressing robe for her and then helped her to tie her hair up and wash away the obvious evidence that she had spent most of the evening crying.

"Are you sure? I think I can get someone to do it. I bet if I talked to McGonagall – "

"No. He's my problem. I'll take care of it."

Taking a deep breath, Lily exited her dorm, and, avoiding the blatant stares of the people in the Common Room, who, no doubt, had just been discussing her, judging from the way the room quieted into a hush as she descended down the stairs, she left the tower.

She found Severus pacing back and forth in front of the Fat Lady.

He looked up as soon as the Portrait swung open and froze in his spot. "Lily!"

She did not acknowledge him. Instead, she crossed her arms across her chest and waited for him to speak.

"I'm sorry."

Lily fought the urge to snort. It sounded rich to her ears. "I'm not interested," she told him coolly.

"I'm sorry!" he repeated in desperation.

"Save your breath." Lily was in no mood for platitudes. She was fed up with the disappointment of thinking that Severus had not changed from the boy she had met in the playground. She wanted nothing to do with this new boy standing in front of her. "I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

He took a hopeful step forward. "I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood. It just – "

"Slipped out?" she finished for him with malice. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends," she paused as she waited – hoped - for him to say something to prove her wrong, but he just had his head in shame. "You see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

Severus opened his mouth but closed it before saying anything.

His silence was the proof Lily needed. She could not keep lying to herself, making excuses about why he kept avoiding her when really she knew what he had been doing those late nights down in the dungeons – the whispers in the halls about a dark man with unspeakable power and wicked ambitions. "I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way. I've chosen mine."

"No – listen, I didn't mean – "

" – to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth, Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?" It was true. Whatever they had had between them, it was over. She could not look at him now without seeing the evil he was planning to do. Before she let him see her cry, Lily turned around and swiftly raced back into the Common Room.

Tears flying, she had nearly reached the stairs when someone grabbed her arm. "Look," began Lily as she started to turn, "now really isn't the – Potter."

He let go of her arm and then reached up for his hair before stopping and shoving his hand into his robes pocket.

Hastily, Lily looked away and brushed the tears from her face. As quietly as she could, she sniffed and then pulled her dressing gown more tightly around her chest.

Potter eyed her contritely. "Listen, about before, I just wanted to say that I'm – "

Lily sighed and held up a hand to silence him. "Don't bother, Potter."

"But, Evans –"

"Save it. I've had my fill of apologies tonight. Besides, I'm not the one who showed everyone my knickers this afternoon."

Wisely, Potter swallowed any sort of smirk that usually would have accompanied such a leading statement. "Yeah. I guess we got a little carried away."

"You think?"

"I never should have done that. I know you don't want to hear it, but for my own actions, I am sorry." He offered her a hopeful, though heartrending, smile.

Lily nodded stiffly.

"And about what he said – "

"I don't want to talk about that," Lily interrupted him fiercely.

"He never should have said it. I know your opinion of me isn't the highest, but trust me when I say he's the biggest idiot in the world if he thinks that sort of thing matters."

Lily nodded again, though more appreciatively this time. She turned and started going up the stairs.

"Wait!"

Slowly, Lily pivoted around.

"I – er – I just wanted to apologize for asking you out in front of everyone. Remus reckons I shouldn't have done that so, uh, publically. I'm sorry, Lily."

Lily eyed Potter, who was looking up at her with anxious eyes and a hopeful grin, wearily. The day had been far too emotionally taxing. Two boys had exerted their best efforts in trying to muck up her life indefinitely. Yet, though she knew she had no other choice but to sever ties with Severus, perhaps Potter had a soul in there underneath all that hair.

"I accept your apology," she allowed before racing up the stairs.


	5. Severus II

**Chapter Five **

**Severus**

* * *

><p>Severus was not listening to what Mulciber was saying. Staring blankly ahead, he had been tuning him out for the last ten minutes or so and was lost in thought about his latest attempt at forming a new spell. He was sure that if he could just perfect the wrist motion so that it seemed less like a Bat Bogey Hex, the spell would work. Of course, he still needed a name for it.<p>

"What do you say, Severus?"

At the sound of his name, Severus dropped his spoon in surprise, and it clanged loudly into his bowl of porridge. "Er, what?"

Avery and Mulciber exchanged dark looks. Avery's eyes flicked briefly but meaningfully over to the Gryffindor Table, and he then raised his eyebrow at Severus, as though daring him to deny something.

Severus did not wish to look up at where Lily was seated with Potter and his gang so he merely picked up his spoon and bit down on his tongue. Over the years, he had learned to control his blushing, as well as his thoughts. "Excuse me," he apologized formally. "I was merely pondering the logistics of a new spell. What were you saying, Mulciber?"

Mulciber pulled his lips into a grin that looked unnatural against his cool features and reached over Severus to grab a tray of kippers and greet one of the Sixth Years on the Quidditch team. As he slid back, Snape felt something fall into his lap.

Keeping his eyes set on Avery's face in front of him, Severus ran his fingers over the piece of folded parchment.

"Don't open it here," Mulciber hissed quietly in Severus's ear as he reached again for the salt shaker.

"What is it?" asked Severus, barely moving his lips.

"An invitation."

"To what?"

"You'll see."

Severus fidgeted with the parchment. It felt fancier than what he used to do his schoolwork. It probably belonged to one of the other Seventh Year boys. Purebloods could afford expensive parchment.

"He wants to speak with us."

Severus frowned. "I have no intention of rubbing elbows with Vo—"

"Don't say his name," hissed Mulciber. "We only refer to him as the Dark Lord," he added reverently.

"Lord or not," began Severus, leering slightly at the extravagant title, "I told you I didn't want to meet him." Severus murmured so softly that Avery had to incline his head to hear him. "I indulged your earlier games, but I've had my fill."

Avery, who was very adept at acting aloof, began to butter a roll as he spoke in a quiet, but conversational tone. "You have no idea what an honor it is to meet him, Severus. Not many people get this opportunity. It would behoove you not to snub it."

Severus broke eye contact with Avery and looked around at the students chattering around him, eating their breakfasts of warm lemon poppy seed muffins and fried sausages as though it was any other morning, completely unaware of the parchment waiting in his lap.

"He has power like you wouldn't believe, Severus," Avery pressed. "Anyone would desire to serve him."

"That's where you're wrong, Avery. I have no desire to serve anyone. What do I care for another man's power? I can survive on my own."

"Yes, but can you excel?" muttered Mulciber beside him. "Let us not forget your particular background, Severus. You could do with the help of someone stronger than yourself, someone who is willing to look past your particular...disadvantages."

Severus bit his tongue so hard that he could taste blood, but he, nevertheless, forced his mouth into a leer. "As always, thank you, Mulciber. Sadly, I do not think I desire to be a Death Eater."

Mulciber forced his weight down on Severus's foot roughly. "Don't say that here."

Severus let out a choked sigh, and he nodded.

Avery examined Snape with his frosty blue eyes. "Think about it."

* * *

><p>Though Severus had every intention of burning the parchment before even looking at it, as soon as he left breakfast he somehow found himself in an abandoned boy's loo. He took the invitation out of his pocket and opened it. It read:<p>

_**Hog's Head**_

_**Midnight**_

Severus frowned. He had been expecting more detail than that. He flipped the parchment over and saw that it had been stamped with some sort of green serpent insignia.

The door to the loo began to open and Severus quickly folded the piece of parchment and strode quickly out of the bathroom. He meant to toss it in the rubbish as he passed, but something stopped him. Instead, Severus pocketed it and headed to Herbology.

* * *

><p>If a Herbology lesson of tending Devil's Snare had been tiresome, History of Magic was seven times worse. Though Severus made sure to take diligent notes, he found himself confusing words and writing names that did not belong. His forced patience for Binns was entirely absent, and Severus grew frustrated both with himself and his circumstances. And yet, his mind was still pointedly fixed on the parchment in his pocket. He could swear he felt it burning against his thigh.<p>

Lunch was unbearable. Mulciber and Avery continued to send each other furtive looks, then pause to gape openly at him, and hastily look away when he pursed his lips at them accusingly. Finally, Severus grew fed up with all of it and brought his turkey sandwich with him to the library.

A part of him wanted to take the invitation out again and study the snake insignia – perhaps search the library to see what it stood for – but he refrained. If Mulciber and Avery wanted to blindly follow some man, they could go ahead. Severus did not need them. He did not need anyone.

After his solitary lunch amidst the stacks, Severus arrived at the dungeons early for Potions class. He found the smell of crushed beetles and dim lighting oddly soothing as he set up his cauldron in preparation for the class. He flipped through his tattered copy of _Advanced Potion Making_ and distracted himself with the spell he had been contemplating earlier.

As time wore on, more of his fellow Seventh Years began to file into class. Because it was only October and still early in the term, most of his peers still showed up to class regularly.

They ignored him. He had been sitting alone in the front left corner of the room since Sixth Year. He no longer had a partner.

She arrived in one of the last groups. Severus tried not to notice. Every sort of reason told him that he should forget about Lily Evans, but his treacherous body seemed incapable of doing so.

His eyes followed her as she adjusted her careworn yellow schoolbag on her shoulder and walked over to her new seat. She was partners with Remus Lupin now that Peter Pettigrew had dropped the class after O.W.L. scores were released.

Severus pursed his lips as he thought about seeing Lupin in his true form four years ago. Would Lily still be smiling so brightly if she had been there, too?

He watched her dark auburn ponytail bounce as she set up her cauldron. She was laughing at something the werewolf had just said.

Severus forcibly turned his gaze back to his textbook and thought more about his spell. With each passing moment, he saw the potential for his spell to become a hex.

The heavy dungeon door swung open one last time, and Severus rolled his eyes when he saw Potter and Black saunter into the room through his periphery.

"Lily!" a chipper voice called.

Severus's hands gripped the table when he saw Potter strut up to Lily; he preened and smirked and winked at her.

Severus kept his head turned away but could not stop his eyes from watching them intently.

Gone were the days of shouting matches and surnames. Lily greeted Potter with a smile and then laughed joyously at whatever he said next.

Severus bit into his tongue so deeply that he was in danger of severing it in half.

Potter leaned forward and whispered something in Lily's ear. When he emerged, she was blushing slightly.

Severus had the sudden, animalistic urge to cut Potter's chest to shreds. From the force at which he bit down on his tongue, he could taste blood in his rigid mouth, and it gave him an idea. Keeping his eyes trained on Potter's turned back, he scribbled in his potions textbook.

_**Sectumsempra**_

_**For Enemies**_

When Slughorn's rotund belly finally made its appearance in the dungeon – Severus thought if the professor spent half the time he wasted gorging himself on crystallized pineapple actually teaching Potions, Slughorn might reach his own level of proficiency in a few years – Severus did his very best to focus on the contents of his cauldron. Occasionally, his eyes would stray back to where Potter was seated behind Lily and staring at her hair, and he would fight the urge to pull out his wand and test out his new incantation.

The period ended before he could work up the nerve.

* * *

><p>After class, Severus was in a sour mood. He trudged over to the Slytherin Common Room and sank down onto the first empty leather couch. He rubbed his temples gingerly in an attempt to clear his mind from all emotion.<p>

Keeping his eyes closed, he concentrated on the distant sound of the lake's water rippling above him and allowed the image to pacify his subconscious. He had almost shut out the world when he sensed someone approach him.

Pursing his lips, Severus opened up one eye blearily to see his intruder. "Regulus."

He was surprised to see the boy, but he did not show it on his face. Severus stared intently at the features that so resembled the boy's elder brother's face. They had the same pale skin, dark hair, and pointed nose. Regulus's eyes, though also gray, lacked the relentless mirth Severus often found in the boy's brothers eyes. Severus waited calmly for Regulus to profess his intentions or, more preferably, to leave him alone to his thoughts.

Regulus sat down beside Severus, who raised an eyebrow suspiciously but chose not to say anything.

"Did you get one?" Regulus asked finally as he fidgeted with his hands in his lap.

"Get what?" asked Severus, feigning ignorance.

"An invitation. Please, Severus. I overhead Mulciber telling Avery about it."

"Eavesdropping can often lead you astray."

"Look, I got one too!" In his eagerness, Regulus forgot to keep his voice down as he fished in his robes pocket.

Severus looked over his shoulder to see a few younger girls watching them curiously. "Stop," he hissed forcefully at the boy. "Don't take it out."

"So you believe me?"

Though he was not a fully practicing Legilimens quite yet, Severus would have been a fool not to realize the foolish boy's honesty. "Yes," he muttered curtly. "But kindly do not invoke a scene."

Regulus hastily scanned the room contritely. The girls who Severus had seen before giggled when Regulus made eye contact with them. The boy's slight smirk lacked the practiced look that his elder brother's always bore.

Severus cleared his throat pointedly, and the boy suddenly looked lost again. "I don't know what to do."

"I'm not a therapist."

"I thought you could help me."

"And why would I want to do that?" Severus asked with a sneer.

"Because I know you're probably asking the same questions as I am. Who is this guy? Why is everyone around here so quick to follow him? What's he really doing?"

"I don't ask those questions because I'm not interested."

Regulus, though slighted, refused to yield. "But surely you must be wondering about it. He's been gathering the highest players, and I think he's ready to start the game."

"I refuse to play when I don't like the rules," said Severus, barely moving his lips. He kept his eyes away from Regulus's so that he could hide his thoughts. They were speaking in light terms, but Severus knew this man's motives were far from that. He had heard whispers of rising armies and muggle slavery. A world without muggleborns. A world without Spinner's End.

"Even so," pressed Regulus, "wouldn't it be beneficial just to see what he has to say? I know my mum would want me to go. I should go, shouldn't I?"

"Do you always do what your mother tells you?"

Releasing his green and silver tie that he had been gripping, Regulus colored slightly before admitting quietly, "Yes."

"Then go," Severus told him simply. "Everyone else is."

"I'm expected to go. I'm expected to graduate with top grades, enter the Ministry, marry a pureblood, and make up for all the shame my brother caused. But how can I live with myself if death is all that will come from this? I want to do my duty. I want to make my parents happy. I know that they think this is the right thing to do. Or do they? Maybe they just think it's what's best."

Severus snorted.

"What are you going to do, Severus? You're the only person who won't blindly jump into this racial purification."

Severus pursed his lips. Though he had not desired the boy's praise, it was nice to be recognized for once.

"Because you spent all those years following around that Mudblood Lily Evans."

Severus's smirk disappeared. He rose quickly from the couch. "Don't say another word."

Regulus's eyes widened as he realized what a blunder he had just made. "Severus, please!"

"Decide for yourself."

* * *

><p>Severus shut the dark green curtains of his four-poster bed. He knew he should be using the valuable night hours to work ahead on his Defense Against the Dark Arts essay or even continue with his experimental spellwork, but he felt too drained to do anything besides stare at his scuffed up, too small shoes.<p>

After about an hour or so, he heard the door to his dormitory open, but he made no effort to do anything about it. Severus simply wished to be left alone.

Of course, Severus seldom had his wishes granted.

"Severus, we know you're up here," Avery called loudly. "Kindly do not make us badger you into speaking to us."

"We are not Hufflepuffs, after all," Mulciber added with disdain.

Severus sighed. There was a certain sense of decorum expected from the Slytherin student. One was not allowed to sulk the night away. Etiquette dictated that he appear unruffled and uncaring. He opened the curtains, put on his mask of polite disinterest, and took a few steps toward them. "Yes?"

"We have something to show you," Mulciber told him enigmatically.

"I already informed you that I have rescinded the offer. You can tell your Lord he holds no interest for me."

Avery's lips curled into a grin. "As much as I'm sure he would appreciate that, we actually have something else to show you."

Ordinarily, Severus would have declined, but there was something about the eagerness in Avery's steely eyes that piqued his interest. He hid the emotion and commented on the late hour. "Aren't you worried about missing your precious meeting?"

"We'll be done in time," answered Mulciber. "Besides, this is worth it."

"Trust us," finished Avery.

* * *

><p>Severus did not trust them, but he followed them anyway. He stayed silent as they guided him through the dark castle. It was past curfew, but he did not care much for inane rules at this point of his schooling. With each turn into a new corridor or descent down a staircase, Severus wondered where they were taking him or if they even had something to show him at all. He resisted the urge to ask and settled for accepting Avery's vigilant gaze and the tight grip Mulciber had on his wand in his robes pocket as assurance that this was leading to something.<p>

When they reached a portrait of a snoozing set of three wizards, Avery stopped. "This is the spot," he announced.

Severus looked around dubiously. It hardly seemed like a place for a clandestine meeting.

Yet, Mulciber murmured his assent. "They usually pass through here."

Avery motioned for them to follow him behind a tapestry at the end of the corridor.

Severus had serious misgivings about his current circumstances. "Who are we hiding from?" he asked.

"You'll see," replied Avery.

Again, Severus's curiosity triumphed over his intuition, and he joined them behind the tapestry. After a few uncomfortable moments in which he discovered that Mulciber had eaten something with garlic for dinner, Severus heard the muffled sounds of footsteps and voices.

"The swings, huh?"

"Yes. They are a lovely invention that all children should enjoy. You're laughing at me."

Severus's pulse quickened when he heard the second voice. He knew unquestionably that it belonged to Lily Evans. Logically, he assumed that the former speaker was Potter, but he peered behind the tapestry just to make sure.

He ignored the exchanging of looks between Avery and Mucliber as he eyed Potter and Lily strolling down the corridor together. She looked so at ease next to him; they were barely a few inches apart. If she would have just stretched out her fingers a bit more, they would have been holding hands.

Severus knew that Lily and Potter had been becoming closer. He could rationalize the behavior to say that it was merely for Head duties – how an idiot like Potter got the position he had no idea – but, if he was being honest, ever since the incident after O.W.L.s, she had seemed to warm up to him. Severus tried to deny his bitterness, but the resentment seemed to slice through his chest. It was his own fault; he had pushed Lily in Potter's direction with his stupidity, his pride, his use of the one word he would never say again.

Potter stopped chuckling when Lily hit his shoulder playfully and offered her own slight chortle. "Sorry, Lily, it's just bizarre to imagine you as anything but what you are now."

"Well, I'll have you know that I was quite the little daredevil."

"Of that I have no doubt."

"Tun—Petunia and I always used to go on the swings together. We spent ages in the playground in my neighborhood."

Severus closed his eyes briefly as he remembered scorching hot summers spent in his stifling overcoat. He would walk two miles every day just to watch her.

"Just the two of you? Wow, you must have been close. I get sick of Sirius after a day!" he joked as he stopped walking and settled in a spot that Severus could see perfectly from his hidden location.

Lily laughed lightly.

Severus waited for her to correct him. He sank his nails into his palms as he longed for her to acknowledge their childhood summers. He wanted her to say his name; he had not heard her do so in such a long time.

"Well, I don't know about Sirius, but Petunia isn't always the easiest to deal with."

"Why?"

Severus could not help but to smirk. Potter would never know as much about Lily as he did.

"There's just bad blood," Lily murmured before chuckling slightly. "Great word choice," she commented derisively before sighing. "Petunia hates me because I'm a witch."

"Well, that's not your fault! It's how you were born. That's like blaming you for being a readhead."

Severus bit his tongue as he saw Potter reach up to move a bit of Lily's auburn hair behind her ear. The gesture was tender, and Severus, who had been expecting rage, felt like he was sinking.

"You shouldn't listen to her, Lily. I think, well, you're amazing."

Severus fumed. Lily was not amazing; she was perfect.

"Thank you."

What happened next seemed to occur both too slowly and too quickly. Without touching her, Potter leaned down and kissed her. It only took a moment, but Severus saw Lily's heels rise slightly as she rose to meet his lips before they both separated.

"Sorry," Potter apologized at once. His face was ruddy, and he looked surprisingly bashful, an expression Severus had never seen him bear before.

"It's okay," Lily whispered back to him with a small smile playing at her red lips.

Severus froze as he realized he had likely just witnessed their first kiss. Unable to look away, he watched as the pair continued down the corridor.

Though he had not cried in years, he felt moisture well up in his eyes.

Avery's shifting reminded him of where he was, and Severus tried to regain control of himself. Only, he felt completely helpless, as though he could not remember to breathe unless someone told him to do so.

"We thought you'd want to see," Avery said. There was a certain delight in his eyes from seeing Severus so devastated. "I'd heard rumors that she and Potter were getting acquainted. I guess it won't be too long now until the whole school knows."

Severus nodded dumbly.

"I know she held a certain fascination for you, Severus, but you really must forget about her. She was interesting when she was chaste, but now she's been plucked by Potter. Now that you know, there's nothing holding you back. She's moved on. You should too. Come meet him tonight. He's who you should be concerned with."

Severus reached into his pocket and pulled out his invitation. He crumbled the expensive parchment in his hand. "I'll go."

"Excellent! Now we just need to collect Regulus."


	6. James II

**Chapter Six**

**James**

* * *

><p>James lazily twirled a smooth, auburn curl between his fingertips. His back relaxed against the familiar birch tree, his uniform sleeves rolled up, and his tie undone, James stared out at the lake, which glinted underneath the hot sun. Though the surface seemed bright, experience had taught him just how deep the dark lake was.<p>

James's lips curled into a sad, little smile. "Merlin, I'm going to miss it here."

Lily snuggled closer into his chest as James's fingers left her hair and settled on her hip to bring her closer, despite the warmth of the day. "Hogwarts or this spot?"

James considered the question as he kissed her cheek. "Mmm. I meant Hogwarts, but this moment is by far the best."

"Oh, really?" Lily mused as she traced swirls along his forearms.

"Well, it sure beats our other memories by this tree."

Lily tensed in his arms for the slightest half-second before she elbowed him in the gut playfully. "You thought you were so bloody amazing."

"Thought?" James joked, pretending to be highly affronted.

"Potter," she hissed warningly.

"Evans," he teased back.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him, and James smirked back. "When did I do any thinking back then?" he asked.

Lily grinned, kissed his cheek, and chuckled before resting her head back on his chest. "You're right, James. I can't believe we ever have to leave Hogwarts. I'll never have to remember to jump the sixth stair again or hole myself up in the library to write another essay or go to another lesson."

"And you're complaining?"

"Or eat in the Great Hall," she added pointedly.

James groaned. "Bloody hell, I'm going to miss the treacle tart."

"No more uniforms. I'll never wear my Gryffindor tie again," Lily lamented as she fingered the scarlet and gold tie that hung loosely around James's neck. She skimmed over the fabric, her lips precariously close to the light stubble along James's jaw line that he had missed shaving that morning.

"We can bring the ties out sometimes," James suggested with a wink.

Lily shook her head and tried to squirm out of his arms, but James kept his grip on her hip and began rubbing circles along the sliver of skin between her blouse and skirt. The warm breeze, smelling of honeysuckles, played with both of their hair, and they sat in contentment for nearly five minutes.

"I'm going to miss it here," Lily said finally with a sigh.

"Hogwarts or me?"

"Hogwarts, obviously. I don't know why I put up with you."

"Because you, Lily Evans, are completely and utterly in love with me."

"I am?" she asked, extremely amused.

"Of course!"

"Why am I just hearing of this now?" she teased.

"I'll have an owl send you a message," he promised as he got to work kissing down her throat.

"Mmm, you do that."

"Happy to oblige, Evans."

Lily grinned and weaved her fingers through his messy dark hair as she pulled his face in for a kiss.

* * *

><p>Throwing a red quaffle into the air and missing it completely as he struggled to remain upright, James snorted into his firewhiskey. "You're not serious!"<p>

"I most definitely am!"

In his tipsy state, the obvious pun only made James laugh harder. The smile had not faded from his face throughout the whole night – not when they had smoked one of Sirius's muggle joints in the Shrieking Shack, done shots from a shady new brand of liquor that occasionally sent off sparks at Hog's Head, or sang drunken ballads while ambling through the Forbidden Forest and pissing off the centaurs. Now, back in their dorm at an hour much closer to sunrise than to sunset, James and the other Marauders continued to drink their firewhiskeys.

James snorted as Sirius started acting out the scene in question.

"But she never seemed to give you the time of day," added Remus, who was wiping tears from his eyes.

"No, I solemnly swear that I snogged Rosmerta. It was right before the end of term last year." Sirius dipped Remus, who was standing in as Rosmerta in the reenactment. He moved his face closer to that of Remus, who squeaked and then fell to the floor.

Peter laughed. "Exactly how it happened the first time."

"No!" argued Sirius loudly as he jumped onto Peter's bedpost and began swinging himself along the pole with his firewhiskey still in hand. "I swear it was a complete snog. I swear on the Queen and pranks and those little sweets Honeydukes sells with the malt inside. Bloody hell, those are good."

"Why didn't you tell us?" James asked Sirius eagerly.

"Sorry, Prongsie," apologized Sirius, jumping down so he could pat his best friend sloppily on the arm. "She made me promise. Didn't want it getting around. You know how I like to keep those things private. Otherwise I'd have every bird after me. Can't have that. Everyone wants to marry a Black," Sirius trailed off as his smirk began to fade. He took another long swig of firewhiskey and then brightened considerably. "Still! Best snog of her life, it was, though. It's true. She told me herself," he finished with a smirk as he loosened his scarlet and gold tie and then attempted to pull it off his head. It got stuck around his ears, and he guffawed when it would not budge, shaking his head around like a dog.

Peter reached over to help him and then shouted victoriously when he managed to remove it. Sirius joined him and they linked arms and danced around in a circle while shouting out "Huzzah!"

"So long to ruddy ties!" declared Sirius, raising his third bottle of firewhiskey. "I will not miss you, nor do I ever intend on wearing you ever again!"

"Cheers!" agreed Peter.

James frowned. "Lily likes ties," he said into his bottle.

"Well, if Lily likes them," said Sirius. "Can't upset the wife."

"She's not my wife."

Sirius waved his arm dismissively. "Good enough."

"Maybe James is the wife," teased Remus.

"Ahh! Exactly, Moony! See, Pete! This is what you get from seven years of schooling. Bloody wit! Course, I already had wit. Why the hell did I go to school again?"

"For marauding!"

"Right!" Sirius agreed as he got off the floor of the Gryffindor Seventh Year boys dorm and rose to his wobbly feet.

"Speech!" demanded Peter.

"Speech!" heartily agreed James and Remus, who gestured so forcefully with his arm that he accidentally spilled firewhiskey down his front, though he seemed too nonplussed to notice or care as he stamped his bare feet against the wood floor.

Sirius staggered backwards before he grabbed onto Peter's bedpost to balance himself. "Right, er, words," he began before smirking. "Sodding hell, I'm pissed."

"Boo!" jeered Peter.

"You can do better than that, Tadpoot!" slurred Remus, nearly sending James's glasses to the floor with his reckless finger pointing.

Sirius took another sip of firewhiskey and gestured for them to simmer down. "Oi! I've got words now," he told them before readying himself with a deep breath. "Mates! Seven years. It's been a bloody thing. Do you remember what scrawny gits you all were back then?"

"Oi!" interrupted James indignantly.

"Especially Prongs! I swear the glasses were bigger than his face. Ruddy midget, he was, but now look at him! Head Boy dating bloody Lily Evans, and still just as ugly! To Prongs!"

"Cheers!" exclaimed Peter, reaching past a highly affronted James to clink bottles with Remus.

"You will not be taking the mickey out of me, Sirius," said James as he scrambled to his feet. "It's my turn to talk. Shh," James added, placing his finger against his lips before giggling.

James wrapped his arm around Sirius's shoulder. "This is it, gents. Last night at Pigf – Hog – whassit called? Oh, never mind! No more school for us."

"Thank Merlin's saggy left –"

"To the future!" continued James passionately. "And to mucking up adulthood! And not getting a Ministry job! And to Hogwarts for all its lovely and convenient broom cupboards. Oh, and Quidditch! Remember when we beat Slytherin all those times? Slimy gits. To that and treacle tart! And that potion Pomfrey's got that heals cuts! Bloody useful, that is. Specially when Moony gets all hairy. Never seen so much hair on one person before – 'cept on Pete's back. Gross. What was I saying? I don't remember. Oh, Sirius, you smell bad. Shit, I'm going to miss you guys."

"No!" moaned Peter as he sniffed sadly. "Don't cry, James!"

James shook his head, and his glasses fell down his nose. "I can't see anything!"

"It's the alcohol!" Sirius announced.

Remus threw a handful of empty chocolate bar wrappers in their direction. "Finish the speech!"

"Right, Moonshine! To firewhiskey and to, er, friendship! And doing not good stuff!"

As James and Sirius reached down to toast with Peter and Remus, James lost his balance, and the boys toppled into their friends. The four boys roared with laughter.

* * *

><p>The next morning was not kindly received. James found himself on the floor and drooling onto Peter's hairy toes. He groaned and tried to get up, but the debilitating pounding in his head deterred him from moving. A sliver of light was streaming into the room from the gap between the window curtains, and, though his glasses were missing, he could still sense the brightness, despite his practically blind state.<p>

James felt around before his hand found Sirius's face, which he gave a good smack.

"Sodding shit!"

James ignored the groans of the boys around him. "Get up," he croaked out. "We've got to leave Hogwarts today."

All nursing similar headaches, the boys groggily got up and stumbled around the room. Eventually, Remus found the last of their stores of hangover cure, and with minimal vomiting, they could somewhat function like normal human beings.

After finally finding his glasses in Remus's sock drawer, James groaned as he kicked the large pile of textbooks he needed to pack. "Hell, I don't want to do this right now."

"We need food," declared Sirius as he pulled a shirt over his head and started buttoning it up. "Let's grab some breakfast."

"Last meal," Remus commented bitter sweetly as stood up and ignored his half-empty trunk.

Peter stopped looking for his shoe, and all four boys exchanged sad smiles.

Finally, James cleared his throat, took out his wand, and performed a quick cleaning spell that significantly cut down what work they still needed to do to move out. "Let's go," he announced.

The boys took the long way to the Great Hall. They pointed out the spots of their best pranks and the broom closets where they had taken the most girls. Per Peter's request, they wandered around until they found Peeves, with whom they shared some of the secret passage locations. Remus wanted to visit the library one last time, but James and Sirius vehemently refused to set foot in that place ever again so they all settled for going into the girls' loo and teasing Moaning Myrtle one last time.

Finally, however, Peter's stomach growled so loudly that they stopped stalling and went to the Great Hall.

* * *

><p>It looked pretty much the same as it always did – apart from the hanging scarlet and gold banners that were still up from the previous night's feast when Gryffindor was announced the winner of the House Cup. James did not know if he had been expecting the Great Hall to look differently – possibly decorated completely in black to mourn the loss of the Marauders – but he was pleased that it was the same. There was some comfort in knowing that, even if he was not there, Hogwarts would always continue.<p>

Before sitting down for breakfast, Hagrid called the boys over so they want to talk with them. Hagrid's feeble attempt at wiping away the tears falling from his beetle black eyes before the fell into his bushy beard almost made James want to start crying, himself. However, McGonagall's watching eyes kept him composed.

"I'm gonna ruddy miss yer lot," bemoaned the giant man. "Don't know what I'll do next year without you four always comin' down to me hut and causin' trouble.

"We'll miss you too, Hagrid," replied Remus as the other boys nodded.

"We'll come back and visit you!" announced Peter cheerfully.

Next to Hagrid, a primly dressed McGonagall choked on her cup of tea.

"And you as well, Professor!" Sirius added keenly with a wink.

"As much as we all would appreciate that, Mr. Black," interrupted Professor Dumbledore, whom James was surprised to learn had been listening, "I think we'll have to wait a few more years before Hogwarts is prepared for your return."

Sirius chuckled, and James grinned as he caught the Headmaster's twinkling eyes.

Dumbledore chortled lightly. "Long night, Mr. Potter?" he guessed.

James smiled sheepishly. "Yes, sir."

"I always find that there's nothing quite like one last night of indulgence before one embarks on his next journey in life. Though, of course, the headache does not always agree with that assertion," he added knowingly before beaming. "Now, off to breakfast, you four! Surely we cannot let this grand spread go to waste."

The boys bid the adults goodbye before traipsing off to the Gryffindor Table. James slid into the seat next to Lily, who was eating a strawberry danish and talking with Mary Macdonald, and kissed her on the cheek in greeting.

"Good morning," he whispered.

"Hello," she welcomed him as she kissed him quickly. "How was the last night with the boys?"

James licked the strawberry and sugar off his lips.

"Oh, you know, the usual," Sirius interrupted as his slid into the spot opposite of James and grinned at Mary beside him. "Don't worry, though, Lily, if anything went wrong, I will make an excellent godfather."

Lily frowned and turned to James.

"Ignore him," said Remus, as he and Peter sat down. "Always the best policy."

"Remus!"

"Don't worry, Lily, we were good," James placated.

"Or as good as you boys can be," Mary clarified as she swatted Sirius's hand away from stealing the remaining strips of bacon on her plate.

Lily smiled. "Well, I suppose that's all I can ask for. Can't have you being too respectable on me."

"What would be the fun in that?" asked James as he and Lily stared at each other. Finally, he nudged her leg teasingly and then turned his attention back to the rest of the group, who were indulging one of Sirius's long-winded stories out of nostalgia.

James laughed and chimed in when he could as he remembered the memories of his adolescence at Hogwarts. He tried to keep his thoughts on the present, but his mind kept wandering as he looked past Sirius and saw a group of Slytherins talking across the room. His eyes found Snape, who seemed to be looking in his direction – only, of course, James knew he was staring at Lily, not him.

"Sirius, that is not what happened!" Remus corrected with a blush.

"Oh, really? Well, Remus, I'll have you know that I was not able to even look at a mongoose – "

When James spotted a greasy head get up and start to leave, he, too, rose from his seat.

"Oi! Where are you going? I was just going to get to the part when we made Pete dress up like a girl!"

James rolled his eyes but nevertheless snickered. "Just remembered something I forgot to do. Don't worry. I'll be right back. Try not to tell any good stories while I'm gone."

"That won't be a problem," muttered Remus sardonically, looking as though he was going to miss being able to pretend to not be amused by Sirius's antics.

James swooped down to purposefully kiss Lily's temple. "See you in a bit," he told her before hurrying away to catch up with the boy who had just left the Great Hall.

Though mentally he was still unsure about what exactly he was doing, James's body seemed to know what it wanted. His legs strode quickly and purposefully through the crowds of students, and when he passed through the heavy exit doors, he let out a cry to get the boy to stop.

"Oi!"

Both he and the boy were surprised by the sound. The boy faltered for a second before continuing.

James took a moment to deliberate and then rolled his eyes at his own hesitancy. "Snape!" he called out. "Snape, wait!"

When the calling only seemed to inspire Snape to move faster, James, grumbling to himself, started to jog to catch up with him. Without much effort, James easily overcame him and then blocked his path.

"Snape, wait," he said again as he crossed his arms over his chest. James was slightly taller than his childhood nemesis.

"What?" snapped the other boy.

James fidgeted with the back of his hair. "Er, I thought we could talk."

"No."

James rolled his eyes. "Fine then, I'll do the talking. You can just do the polite thing and stand there, at least."

Snape shifted, and his jaw flexed. James guessed that he was in severe danger of biting off his tongue. However, he did not walk away.

Wondering what he had just dragged himself into, James sighed and cringed when he saw a few younger girls gawking at him. He jerked his head over to a more abandoned spot further down the corridor and was pleased when Snape made the first move.

When they were both out of earshot of any prying gossips, Snape glared expectantly at James, who teetered back on his heels and played with his hair again.

"Er – "

"If you have nothing to say, Potter, don't waste any more of my time. I realize that you think everyone exists to do your bidding, but it is also my last day at Hogwarts and I don't fancy spending it with you."

"My sentiments exactly," James agreed darkly before sighing and forcing a polite smile onto his face. He shoved his hands into his pockets and then ducked his head down bashfully. "Look, Snape, I just wanted to apologize – "

Snape snorted loudly out of his large nose. "Right. Perfect Potter wants to make amends now. Can't have somebody not like you. What a horror! Potter, if you've ever had a genuine thought of remorse, the Great Lake would boil over."

James grit his teeth together. "You could at least give me a chance to try. If you think you're so much better than me, you should at least do that."

Snape froze, wiped away the emotion from his face, and waited.

"Right, er, thanks. Look, Snape, I know I was a real git over the years, and I wanted to say that I'm sorry for all that. We shouldn't have done that to you. You didn't deserve it. Well, maybe a little…er, anyway, yeah, I guess I am trying to make amends." James held out his hand for Snape to shake, but the other boy snubbed him.

"Why should I shake hands with you, Potter? I have no sudden survivor's guilt pushing me to be amicable."

James retracted his hand. "Wonder why we didn't get along better. You're just so friendly."

"Potter, I realize that this is your peak in life and that you will never be more happy than you are now, but some of us actually have the sense required to have a future outside of this castle."

"Yes," replied James. "Won't that be lovely for you. At least your disdain for this life will help you to move on."

He could sense that Snape wanted to say something else, but he swallowed his thoughts. Then finally, he said in a low voice that James nearly did not hear, "She's not going to say goodbye, is she?"

"I doubt it."

Snape closed his eyes and released a sigh that sounded like a hiss. "I didn't think she – I hoped – never mind."

"I know you might need the closure, but I'm not going to let you near her."

"Like you could stop me."

"It's not you I'm interested in. I think we both know you'd be talking if she wanted it."

"She should be with me."

James paused and then revealed an unsettling opinion, "I reckon maybe she would have, if you hadn't mucked things up so bad. Can't say I'm too upset by the way things turned out, though. You were a right git to her."

"Because you are the epitome of virtue."

James chuckled uneasily. "Right."

"Do you love her?" Snape asked suddenly.

"Yes," answered James immediately before letting out a small laugh. "I want to marry her."

Pure hatred flashed in the other boy's eyes. "Well, if this is about my blessing, I'm not giving it."

"I didn't ask," replied James coolly. "I just thought you should know cause you love her too."

"You don't deserve her," he accused.

James laughed weakly. "No, I really don't. But who does?"

Snape shut his mouth angrily, and James immediately understood. No matter how much it pained Snape to see Lily with him, James sensed that Snape knew he did not deserve her anymore. Not now that he was a Death Eater.

And with that, Snape began to walk away.

Fighting back his own pride, James swallowed before raising his voice once more. "She still thinks about you, you know."

Snape paused but did not turn around.

"Sometimes, I reckon, when she gets quiet. I think she misses you, but it's not enough."

Snape turned his head to the side as though he might face James but then stopped.

James watched him leave, a pleased sort of smile on his face.

He had done the right thing.

"Let's just hope she comes to her senses and chucks you," Snape spat cruelly without turning around. "Merlin only knows what she must see in you when a screwup, pathetic sycophant, werewolf are your best mates."

James took out his wand and changed Snape's greasy hair to a shocking pink color and then watched with smug satisfaction as he walked away.

So he had done the okay thing.


	7. Lily III

_A/N: For James and Lily. Thank you for all that you have given me._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seven<strong>

**Lily**

* * *

><p>With a pop, she appeared in an abandoned ally. She pushed back some of her dark auburn hair that had fallen into her eyes after apparating and secured her black handbag more firmly on her shoulder. In the cold, she took a short breath, examined the rubbish bins and muggle newspapers for any sign that someone had spotted her, and then made her way onto the street.<p>

Her heeled boots clicked quickly against the cobblestone streets, and strangers hurried past her as they scurried to their locations to get out of the falling snow. Pausing at a furniture shop to wait for the traffic to stop, Lily quickly adjusted her red scarf that had been falling off her neck and then scampered across the street. Shivering, she clutched at her green and black patterned wool coat as she passed by a used book store, a barber shop, and a record store. Finally, just as the biting cold was causing her eyes to water, she reached her desired location.

She took no of how the café's hanging flower pots, which were always overflowing in pink and purple blooms in the summer when she used to frequent the spot at least once a week, were barren and practically frozen, or that the café had changed its name from "Chuck's" to "Spinner's Blend." Instead, Lily merely grasped the gold doorknob and gratefully escaped the frigid outside air.

Immediately, her red, running nose warmed due to the toasty temperature inside the cozy café. She inhaled deeply and smelled cinnamon, peppermint, and ginger. A bell alerted the small café of her entrance, and a young waitress, who had a candy cane apron on and little peppermints hanging from her ears, walked over to her. Her bright red lipstick complimented her dark hair nicely.

"Hello, Miss! Table for one?"

Lily smiled as she chose not to correct the girl. Her eyes quickly ran over the counter on the right, which was advertising specials on drinks and treats especially designed for the upcoming holidays, and then focused in on where the customers were seated at small, round tables formed from mismatched furniture. She looked past a young woman who seemed to be focused on whatever storyline she was diligently scrawling out into her wire-ring notebook, an elderly couple politely chatting, and a middle-aged man who was reading the paper. Finally, in the back of the shop near the window, she spotted a head of dark hair with his back to her. "I'm meeting someone. Thank you."

The girl turned to see where Lily was looking. Her eyebrow piqued in curiosity, but she did not say anything. "Can I get you something to eat?"

"Tea will be fine, thanks," Lily told her as she left the girl and then strode to the back of the little room, ducking between tables and chairs.

She had already removed her black, leather gloves and was unbuttoning her coat, which had actually become a tad stifling in the overwhelming heat of the café, to reveal her dark skirt and burgundy colored blouse when she sat down in the waiting chair opposite him.

As she draped her coat over the back of the chair, he raised his eyes to look at her.

"Lily."

She smiled slowly at the tenderness he used simply to say her name.

"Hello, Severus."

She waited patiently for him to speak as she unwrapped the scarf from around her neck. His gaze was unnerving, but she politely avoided his eyes as she crossed her legs under the table and wrestled with her hands in her lap.

He looked different than he did when she had seen him last about a year ago in passing at Diagon Alley. They had not spoken, but she was sure he had noticed her, too, before he had disappeared into a shop. His hair was cropped shorter than it was in his school days, falling just beyond his ears, and seemed like it had been washed recently. He was dressed in dark dress paints, a white button-down shirt, and a heavy overcoat that he had not removed, despite the temperature within the café.

Lily suppressed a sad smile as she remembered how he always refused to take off his coat even on the warmest of summer days when they were children playing on the swings together.

His features had filled out a bit more. Severus had always had an angular face and a prominent nose, but the fullness made him seem more mature. She would have gone as far to call him handsome.

His eyes were as dark as ever, but she could no longer read them as she once could. He kept them devoid of any emotion.

During her perusal, Severus opened his mouth several times in what seemed to be an attempt to find the right words to say. "You came," he said finally. His tone was flat and betrayed nothing.

"You asked me to come," she replied back.

"I wasn't sure – "

He stopped speaking as the same waitress from before approached their table and gave Lily her cup of tea. While Severus stared out the window to look at the steadily falling snow as it covered the cars and parking meters along the street, Lily thanked the girl and poured some milk and sugar into her tea before taking a long sip.

Earlier in the week, she had been quite surprised to receive a letter from him. It had been short and betrayed nothing, as much as she could have expected. Lily had battled with herself for the rest of the day before ultimately confirming that she would meet them at their old meeting place. She was not sure why she had said yes; she swore she would never let herself be beguiled by him again. Yet, Lily had always had a weakness for Severus Snape, so there she was. She put down her cup, which was festively decorated in little ceramic poinsettias down onto the matching plate, before clearing her throat to speak. "Your letter surprised me. It's been so long since I've heard….Did you get a new owl?"

He looked somewhat taken aback but then nodded. "The old one died."

She sat back as she digested the news. She could recall days spent when she just left her window open so that she would not have to be constantly reopening it when they would just write each other notes. "Mercury was a good owl. When did that happen?"

"About two years ago."

"Oh, well, my condolences," replied Lily, feeling a bit foolish to be getting so sentimental over an elderly bird that was not even her own.

"Thank you." Severus took a long sip of his tea and then grimaced.

"Need sugar?" she offered helpfully as she went to reach for the dish on the table.

"No," he refused quickly. "No, that's quite all right. It's not the tea, it's the – "

"Situation," Lily finished for him with a nervous twitch of her lips. "Awkward, I know."

"We didn't used to be like this. Remember when we were thirteen? We came here every Friday."

"Back when we used to order cherry danishes and lemonades," she added as her eyes swept their civilized tea cups.

He sat back straighter in his chair. "And could not go five minutes without arguing about something and then laughing over it," he recalled.

"A lot of things have changed since then," she reminded him dutifully before pulling a piece of her hair behind her ear left ear. She realized this was a mistake when his eyes zeroed in on the diamond ring on her left hand.

His mouth gaped a bit, and his eyes widened for the briefest moment before he composed himself again. "Evidently."

Lily quickly placed her hands back in her lap. "Surely, you knew. It was announced in the _Prophet _when it happened."

Severus took another sip of tea. "I knew. It was spoken of in many social circles – even my circles. It's just one thing to know something to be true and quite another to see it flashed before your very eyes." He sighed before adding, "It's a large diamond."

Lily rolled her eyes as she suppressed a smile. "You know James."

Severus's eyes flashed, and he pursed his lips.

Lily could tell he wanted to say something insulting but appreciated it when he refrained.

"So married life is good then? Everything you dreamed it would be?"

Lily ignored his sardonic tone as she attempted to change the subject away from her marriage life. She and James had been married for little over a year. Because of the war, they had not had the luxury of planning a grandiose wedding – much as James would have wanted; he had teased her the entire time about making her wear a traditional hoopskirt to match the top hat and coat tails she refused to let him and Sirius wear – but it was still beautiful. Lily's only real regret was that her elder sister had refused to be her Maid of Honor.

"Why did you ask me here, Severus?" she asked.

He shifted in his overcoat and flexed his fingers.

Lily half expected him to hide behind the lapel the way he used to, but he refrained.

"Cold weather today," he commented.

She nodded. It had been snowing all week. James jokingly had offered to carry her everywhere she wanted to go to avoid her slipping on any ice. "It'll be nice for Christmas, though, it'll be strange not to go home this year."

"I'm sorry about your parents," he said softly.

She nodded sadly. Though it had been months since the accident, their death still seemed to slice her insides. "Thank you for the flowers."

"I didn't leave a….how did you?" he asked in confusion.

Lily reached out to cover his hand with her own. He flinched slightly but did not pull his hand away. Apart from James, Severus was the only other person who seemed to know that she preferred peonies. Everyone else always sent lilies. "Of course I knew it was you."

"I wanted to go to the funeral, but I wasn't sure if….Your parents were kind people."

Lily sighed. "They were. Thank you."

"I remember when your mum finally stopped calling me that boy. Took her years to learn my name."

"Of course she knew your name. You nearly broke my sister's arm," she replied as he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "Plus, I spent nearly every afternoon with you during the summer."

"That's true. Your dad liked me better, though."

"Dad hated you!"

"No, he didn't."

"Yes, he did. No father wants his teenage girl spending that much time with a boy."

"Nothing ever happened," Severus emphasized.

"You don't understand a parents' worry," explained Lily, wrapping her arms around her torso. "I think that's what I miss most – having them fretting about me, even if it annoyed me at the time." She sniffed and held back tears.

Severus's eyes narrowed in concern and he carefully raised his hand up to her cheek to slowly brush away a stray tear with his ink-stained thumb.

"Are you okay?" he asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

Lily nodded against his touch as she looked down at her lap. "It gets easier. Every loss becomes more bearable with time." She looked up and held his gaze for a few seconds before inhaling quickly and removing his hand from her face. "James was wonderful," she added. "He knew what exactly what I was going through." If Lily had ever needed more evidence that James loved her, those first few days after hearing the news was it. Without him, she probably would not have managed.

"I heard about that raid right after we left school. Nine aurors died."

Lily took a sip of tea as she watched the elderly couple she spotted earlier leave their table. "The world is pretty scary right now. I read the news every day and hope to God I don't recognize anyone's name in a victim list….or as the perpetrator, I suppose." Her tone turned icy as she shook her head at him with disgust. "The things I hear, what I've seen. I can't believe you're involved. It isn't you, Severus. You could never do those things."

He turned to look out the window at the cold. "You'd be surprised what I'm capable of, Lily," he spat bitterly. "If you knew, you would never…it's too much."

"Then get out," Lily pleaded. "You can explain to Dumbledore. Convince him that you want to change sides. You can change things. I'll help you. We can do this together."

Still not looking at her, even though his fingers twitched when she grabbed his hand across the coffee table, Severus shook his head. "I can't. It's over for me. I've tried to move past it, but I'm stuck in it now. The death, the hatred, the torture, I see it every day. There's no redemption waiting, not after what I've done. There's nothing that can take those things back or make me forget the faces of the people I've…It's why I asked you here today. I just wanted to remember what it was like before I destroyed everything around me."

"Don't say that. Don't give up, Severus."

He turned and tightened his hold on her hand. "I gave up when you chose him instead of me."

Lily frowned and dropped his hand angrily. "Don't put that on me, Severus. Please, that's unfair."

Severus tightened his jaw and tugged at his hair. "What's unfair is that I had to stand there and watch the love of my life marry my most hated enemy."

"But you said you read it –"

Severus scoffed dismissively. "I know what I said. I found out when it was, and I went – watched from outside. I kept waiting – hoping – for something to go wrong, for you to call it off, but it never happened," he concluded bitterly before sighing. "You were beautiful. You still are. Lily, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He said it coldly, as if he blamed her for tempting him.

"Severus," she scolded. "Don't." Lily frowned as she watched tears well up in his eyes as he suddenly seemed to get excited.

"Damnit, Lily, stop. I can't keep it in anymore. For years I resisted you, and it only served to push you away. I can't keep denying it anymore."

Lily's eyes flicked over to the waitress, who was counting money at the register, and squirmed uncomfortably.

"Tell me you felt something for me. Lily, I look at you, and you're the only person I've ever loved, the only person who's ever mattered. Say it wasn't just me all these years. Say you felt it too. Tell me you still do. I have to know."

Lily reached up to cup his cheek and then slowly leaned over, watching him intently, and kissed his lips lightly. When she was younger, she had once considered what it would be like to kiss Severus Snape, and now she was learning that it was poignant – a bittersweet glitch in time that did not seem to fit in with reality yet felt so painfully real.

His fingers carefully wove into her hair as they both closed their eyes. Lily allowed herself to succumb to the kiss because she knew as soon as they broke away, the moment would be over.

Then, Lily pressed her lips against his with a tad more pressure before retracting back to her side of the table.

With his eyes still closed, Severus felt his lips in a dreamy manner. "I love you," he whispered reverently.

Lily smiled sadly before sniffing back to tears. "I love you too," she returned in a hush.

His eyes opened, and Lily swore she had never seen anyone look quite so happy before. His bliss made everything so much harder. The dark circles under his eyes seemed less severe, and his entire body seemed to be pulled up by strings.

He took a deep breath as his mouth spread into a triumphant smile. He grabbed her hands and planted kisses on her knuckles. "Oh, Lily, come away with me. We'll get out of England, away from all of this death and destruction. We'll go to some island and just be together. I know I could never deserve you, but I'll spend every minute trying to. We'll be happy. Nothing will matter as long as I'm with you."

Lily imagined it – the warm sun and the bright beach and the peace – for only the briefest second before removing her hands from his grasp. "Severus, I do love you."

His grin broadened as though he could never get enough of the sound of her words.

"But not like I love him," she finished.

His smile left, and his eyes turned murderous. "Why?"

"It was always him. Surely you must know that."

"But I loved you first."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," he spat viciously. "Don't even."

"Severus," Lily said as she reached out to grab his hand, but he pulled away.

Severus looked away, but she still caught the devastation clearly evident on his face.

Lily bit her lip as she tried to think of what she could possibly say to comfort him when she felt movement in her stomach. "Oh!" she gasped as she clutched her torso.

"What is it?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

Lily nodded as she looked away. "Don't worry about it."

The grief in his eyes doubled. "How far along are you?"

She should have known he would guess. Severus was one of the most intelligent people she had ever met. Sometimes, she was sure he could even read her mind. "Almost two months," she whispered as she watched his eyes trail down to her stomach. She had only known for a few weeks now. The morning sickness was what first alerted her. At first, she was petrified. Not only did Lily feel completely ill-equipped to be a proper mother, her own mum had just died, leaving her with no maternal guidance. Besides, the world was not a place for children at the moment. She did not want her baby having to deal with death.

Yet, the look on James's face when she told him made her sure she could do this. James made her strong; he made her feel safe.

Severus only ever made her cry.

His fingers gripped the table so roughly that she could see the whites of his knuckles.

"Oh, hell."

"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't think you'd take the news well. Obviously, I was wrong," she joked lamely.

"Excited to be a mum?"

"And produce another Potter into this world? Lord knows how Sirius will corrupt him," Lily added with a laugh, which faded when she saw his face. "Sorry."

"I hate him."

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm quite sure he hates you too," Lily replied with a tense laugh.

"Going to name him after his father, then? Want to carry on the ruddy namesake! Or were you planning on having a whole pack of children to sit at his feet?"

"Don't you dare," she hissed. "You have no right to make this about you, Severus. You decided how things should be between us a long time ago so don't think you can be morally superior."

"I know." Severus sighed and then put his face in his hands. "I'll never understand why you love him."

"I know you can't."

He banged his elbows against the table angrily, and Lily jumped slightly in her chair as several of the people in the café turned to watch them.

"And the worse part is that it makes me sick to think of a bit of him inside you, but I can't seem to stop wanting you any less. Why can't I get over you? I hate myself every day because I can never stop loving you, no matter how hard I try. You've reduced me to nothing, and I think I hate you for that. God, Lily, why couldn't it have been me? I sealed my fate in Fifth Year. I was so stupid! I was fifteen! It was just a word! But I made the worst mistake, and I pushed you towards him. It's all my fault."

"Severus, that wasn't why we wouldn't have worked out."

"What do you mean, Lily? That day was the whole reason why you chose him over me, even though he was a prat when we were that age, too."

"True," she admitted. "But that's not why I picked him. That was just a day. If we were meant to be, we would have been able to work it out. There were other reasons. It's the same thing stopping you from leaving the Death Eaters. You've always wanted to prove yourself, Severus, and you don't know quite how to do so without destroying everyone you love in the process. The boy I loved wasn't the one who could invent hexes or had the most clout in a group of stuck up Purebloods, it was the one who sat with me on the swings in his mum's old blouse."

"I can change," he claimed passionately. "I can be that again for you."

"Prove it," she demanded. "Leave the Death Eaters. Stop allowing yourself to become a monster. Stop being a coward."

"Lily, I – " he stammered.

She nodded in acceptance.

"If it ever does happen, would you leave him to be with me?"

"If that's what you need to believe."

"That's not an answer," he accused.

"I know," she agreed before looking at the clock above the counter. "I need to get going," she said as she pulled on her jacket and then her gloves. "I didn't tell James where I was going. I don't want him to be worried." She frowned at the smug look on his face. "Don't," she scolded him before standing up and leaving some money for the tea.

He frowned at her handbag. "Where did your yellow bag go?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm not in school anymore, Severus. At some point I did have to get a bag that wasn't held together with tape."

"That one fit you better."

Lily shook her head. "Sometimes it's best to let the past die so that you can move on."

"Just one more thing," Severus demanded from his chair. "Does he make you happy?"

Lily smiled. "Yes," she answered earnestly.

He nodded sadly and sank down into his seat. "Goodbye, Lily."

She leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Goodbye, Severus."

They locked eyes again, and then she left the café without looking at him again, though she could feel him watching her. Her tears froze against her cheeks as she exited the café and braced the bitter cold again. Lily scampered back to the abandoned alleyway and then apparated back to Godric's Hollow. She quickly walked the two blocks to her house and then brushed off all traces of water from her face before taking a deep breath, unlocking the door, and going inside the house.

She stamped her boots against the welcome mat when she heard a rustling sounding from the upstairs.

"Lily, love, is that you?"

Lily closed the door behind her. "Yeah, James, I'm home."


End file.
